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susquesus
Mad Hermit of the North Woods
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
September 03 2003
Status: offline
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 Posted - February 07 2005 : 02:13:51 AM
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One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.
He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ''That parrot repeats everything he hears.''
''That's alright,'' the man replied.
So the man bought the parrot and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.
The cop hollered to his partner, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''
Then the parrot said, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''
They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.
The man said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''
The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''
They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''
The parrot said, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''
Then they walked into a church and sat down.
The minister was in the middle of the sermon.
He said, ''The Lord is above us.''
The parrot said, ''Shoot him down,shoot him down!''
The minister said, ''The devil is below us.''
The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up.''
Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.
The parrot said,'' Hit a big one, win a prize!''
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 27 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - February 10 2005 : 7:40:39 PM
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This is a great one!
I love these kind of jokes. Reminds me of my favorite all time riddle, which I'm sure few here will find funny:
q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead. |
See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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DIENSIEG.HSU
Pathfinder
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
June 25 2003
Status: offline
Donating Member |
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Dances with Beagles
Colonial Settler
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - February 13 2005 : 1:43:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Christina
This is a great one!
I love these kind of jokes. Reminds me of my favorite all time riddle, which I'm sure few here will find funny:
q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.
I haven't heard that one in a long time!
Here's part 2:
Q: Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the monkey.
Needless to say, one needs a "special" sense of humor(?) to appreciate that!
and...
Q: Why did the cow roll down the hill?
A: It had no legs.
I'll stop now. |
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Dances with Beagles
Colonial Settler
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - February 13 2005 : 1:45:27 PM
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| Maybe we need a "Humor" section on the board....specializing in French and Indian War era humor (!), but other jokes are welcome, too. |
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Fitz Williams
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - February 13 2005 : 5:36:41 PM
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quote:
Maybe we need a "Humor" section on the board....specializing in French and Indian War era humor (!)
You mean like, Montcalm, Web, and Magua walk into a tavern, and the tavernkeeper says, "What is this, a joke?"
(drum roll)
Alice falls of the cliff and Hawkeye rushes to her side. He calls to Chingachgook and askes "What do I do?" Chingachgook calls back "Make sure she's really dead". There is a gun shot, and Hawkeye says "Now what?"
(drum roll)
I'll be at the Geroge and Dragon all week, folks! And try the veal.
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 27 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - February 21 2005 : 4:31:07 PM
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Fitz, I just read these AND the other jokes posted above after my monkey joke. I almost spewed coffee all over my monitor! I love em...
just what I needed on a rainy afternoon! |
See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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Fitz Williams
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - February 22 2005 : 11:05:20 AM
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Since you liked those, . . . . (it's call recycling!)
The Huron come to the Great Sachem and ask if it’s going to be a cold winter. He has no clue, so he says “Yes. Gather lots of firewood”. Then he secretly sends a messenger to Montreal to ask Le Francais what they think. The messenger comes back and says “Le Francais say it is going to be cold.” A week goes by, and there is lots of firewood, so the Huron ask the Sachem, is that enough, and he says “Gather more” and sends the messenger back to ask Le Francais. The messenger returns and says “Le Francais say it is going to be very cold.” The firewood is now starting to really stack up, so the Hurons ask the Sachem again. He says “It would be wise to gather more”, and again sends the messenger back to Montreal. He returns and says “Le Francais say that it’s going to be really, really cold. The Hurons are gathering firewood like crazy!”
(drum roll)
John Cameron walks into his barn after a long day in the fields, and there is Alexandra in the hay loft with Uncas. He says “Hey, what’s going on here!”, and she says “See, I told you he was stupid.”
(drum roll)
Monro’s horse walks into a tavern with a bag of flint, steel, and tow around his neck, and the tavernkeeper says, “Hey, buddy, I don’t mind the long face, but don’t try to start anything.”
(drum roll)
A party of British are lost in the woods for days, no powder and lead, and no food. They are nearly starving when they see in the distance a tree draped with bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon. One of the soldiers screams “It’s a bacon tree. We’re saved!” and runs ahead. Just as he nears the tree, he is cut down by a hail of musketry. He raises up on one arm and with his last breath yells “Go back! Go back! It’s a ham bush!”
(drum roll)
The Great Sachem’s time is running out and he has little strength left. He is lying on his deathbed when he smells his favorite food cooking, FRY BREAD! He summons up all his remaining strength and manages to get outside to the cook fire, and there is a bowl of freshly cooked fry bread, just sitting there. He reaches for a piece when his wife says “Stop that! I’m making it for the funeral!”.
(drum roll)
Web’s headquarters catches on fire. All his plans for the year’s campaign are inside. He offers 20 pounds to anyone who will save them. There are no takers. So he raises it to 50 pounds. Still no takers. Finally he offers 100 pounds. Just then, Jack Winthrop and a wagon full of Colonials come flying down the hill, right into the middle of the flames. They start beating out the flames and throwing water on them, and in no time at all the fire is out. Web says “The 100 pounds is yours. What will you do with it?” Winthrop says “The first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that wagon!”
(drum roll)
You’ve been a great crowd folks. I’m here all week, then at Bumpo’s next week. Oh, and folks, try the veal.
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Dances with Beagles
Colonial Settler
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - February 22 2005 : 6:14:47 PM
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Take Fitz Williams....Please!!!
Good job, man! |
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caitlin
Bumppos Tavern Patron
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - February 22 2005 : 10:25:25 PM
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Fitz,
Those are simply excellant!  
Thank you for the much needed laugh!  |
Jack McCall: "Should we shake hands or something, relieve the atmosphere. I mean how stupid do you think I am?"
Wild Bill Hickok: "I don't know, I just met you."
"A nation with no regard to it's past will have little future worth remembering."
A.Lincoln
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things"
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