Re:Good Laugh

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Posted by Joe Hinson on December 23, 1997 at 14:37:50:

In Reply to: The Week That Will Be posted by Elaine Rich on December 23, 1997 at 08:28:43:

From The Home office , a few reasons relatives shouldn't intermarry,
[UPI, Spain] A poacher Marino Malerba, shot a
> >> stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-and
> >> was killed instantly when it fell on him.
> >>Thank goodness Hawkeye was far enough away that this didn't happen to him!(See how I worked in the relationship with LOTM)

[UPI,Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's
> >> University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man
> >> shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky
> >> to be alive, and will be released soon from the
> >> hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
> >> last weekend during an initiation into a men's
> >> rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants
> >> Pass,Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
> >> his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right
> >> eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter
> >> to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut
> >> and Roberts would have died instantly.
> >> Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University
> >> Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8
> >> to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at
> >> the rear of his skill, yet somehow managed to miss
> >> all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had
> >> Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he
> >> surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
> >> afterwards he and his friends had been drinking
> >> that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
> >> dumbabout this." No charges have been filed but
> >> the Josephine County district attorney's office
> >> said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
> >>
- [AP, Arkansas] A woman named Linda went to
> >> Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while
> >> there, went to a store. She parked next to a car
> >> with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and
> >> hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When
> >> Linda came out a while later, she again saw the
> >> woman, her hands still behind her head but with
> >> her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so
> >> Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you
> >> okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the
> >> head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't
> >> know what to do; so she ran into the store where
> >> store officials called the paramedics. They had to
> >> break into the car because the door was locked.
> >> When they got in, they found that the woman had
> >> bread dough on the back of her head and in her
> >> hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded,
> >> apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud
> >> explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in
> >> the head. When she reached back to find what it
> >> was, she felt the dough and thought it was her
> >> brains. She passed out from fright at first, then
> >> attempted to hold her brains in!
> >>
> >> #7 - From a radio program, a true report of a
> >> happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys brand new
> >> Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+
> >> monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting
> >> and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two
> >> Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the
> >> dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They
> >> drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now,
> >> they want to make some kind of a natural landing
> >> area for the ducks, something for the decoys to
> >> float on. In order to make a hole large enough to
> >> look like something a wandering duck would fly
> >> down and land on, it is going to take a little
> >> more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the
> >> back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
> >> dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these
> >> two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
> >> that if they place the stick of dynamite on the
> >> ice at a location far from where they are standing
> >> (and the new Grand Cherokee), they don't want to
> >> take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run
> >> from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke
> >> with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light
> >> this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
> >> Remember
> >> a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the
> >> vehicle, the beer,the guns and the dog? Yes, the
> >> dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
> >> retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner.
> >> You
> >> guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of
> >> doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of
> >> dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the
> >> time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
> >> wave arms and wonder what to do now. The dog,
> >> cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs
> >> the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
> >> loaded with 8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop
> >> a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment,slightly
> >> confused but continues on. Another shot and this
> >> time the dog, still standing, becomes really
> >> confused & of course scared,thinking these two
> >> Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. He takes off
> >> to find cover, (with the now really short fuse
> >> burning on the stick of dynamite).... under the
> >> brand new Cherokee. BOOM ! Dog and Cherokee are
> >> blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake
> >> in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates
> >> for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
> >> there with this "I can't believe this happened"
> >> look on their faces. The insurance company says
> >> that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of
> >> explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the
> >> first of those $400+ a month payments.
> >>
It's a good thing we don't have any hunting buddies like these Eh!
Merry Christmas!
Joe Hinson

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