Mohican Olympics

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Posted by Lynne Cohen on September 18, 1997 at 20:12:35:

Hi Everyone!
For a little lighthearted humor I thought I would introduce you to the winners of the 1757 Mohican Olympics. The list and winners appear below:

800 meter run: Gold medal to Hawkeye for his incredible speed at running while he was trying to save Cora at Massacre Valley. He should really win a medal for that awesome display of slo-mo running. Now how many of us can run like that, not to mention killing a few people along the way. Silver medal goes to Uncas for being right behind him.

Men's Canoe: Gold medal to both Duncan and Hawkeye for the rapid way they got into the canoes on the lake and started paddling furiously to escape the Hurons. Silver medals for the Hurons who showed up sometime much later.

100 meter freestyle swimming: Gold medal to Uncas for leaping out of one fast canoe and swimming to the other.

Freestyle Wrestling: Gold medal to Uncas for leaping and wrestling with that Huron warrior when Duncan and Co. was first attacked.

Equestrian: Gold medal to Colonel Munro for being able to stay on a horse during the Massacre and shoot Hurons right and left. Silver medal to Duncan for staying on his horse (for awhile) during the first attack scene when they were on their way to Fort William Henry. Bronze medal to Cora and Alice for staying on their horse during some of the Massacre and for being able to ride double so gracefully. Even though I thought Cora was going to fall off the way she kept craning her head backwards looking for Hawkeye.

Running High Jump: Gold medal for Chingacook for running at full tilt and still being able to leap over a rolling Huron. This event is not to be confused with the High Five that the three of them gave each other after they whooped the crap out of the first Huron war party.

Marathon: Gold medal to Chingacook, Uncas, and Hawkeye as they ran for miles to get to the Huron Village. Isn't it amazing that they arrive there not sweaty or out of breath? Maybe they stopped at the local Y and took a quick shower?

Javelin Throw: Gold medal to Chingacook for his stunning throw of a war club (in this case "javelin") into the back of a retreating Huron during the first fight they had with the war party.

Platform Dive: Gold medals to Ching, Uncas, and DDL as they took that terrifying dive into the waterfall and lived!! This dive not to be confused with the swan dives that Uncas and Alice took off the cliff. A bronze medal to those two for not diving head first.

Shooting: Gold medals to the gang again for their outstanding shooting especially for the courier scene. Silver medals for Duncan and Colonel Munro and another gold medal to Cora for her nailing the Huron right in the forehead during the Massacre scene. Bronze medal to Magua for aiming at DDL during the first fight and missing.

Weight Lifting: Gold medal to DDL for lifting Cora up during the first love scene at the fort and placing her on a table? or whatever. Gold medals in abundance to him for that incredible display of kissing and heavy petting. Oh they don't give gold medals out for that? That would be one event I would love to participate in over and over again..

Fencing: Gold medal to Duncan for that great display with a sword during the first attack on the road to the fort. Silver medal to Col. Munro for his swordplay during the Massacre Valley scene.

Well guys I hope you enjoyed my little impromptu Olympic events. If anyone wants to add some more Mohican Olympics to this feel free. The more the merrier...Lynne

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