Posted by Miss Gaylee Cooper on September 15, 1998 at 14:37:41:
In Reply to: Southern Hospitality & Welcoming Duties posted by Miss Marcia on September 15, 1998 at 09:56:19:
: Dear Courier Readers,
: Miss Marcia's genteel, refined Southern sensabilities were shaken to the core when she read the article in Sunday's edition of the Courier saying she was resigning from her duties as Official Welcoming Committee Chairperson. Miss Marcia does not know who started this scurrilous rumor, but she wants to make it known that this is simply just that...a rumor! Why, Miss Marcia is known far and wide for her generous hospitality and her wish to make every visitor feel welcome and cherished, both here in Mohicanland, and beyond. Therefor, her welcoming luncheons will go on as usual, consisting of heaps of Southern Fried chicken (proprietoress reserves right to substitute carrier pigeon when chicken is unavailable), piles of maize on the cob, moutains of smashed 'taters, and slabs of PE-can pie, all washed down with great lashings of mint juleps, and followed by the traditional passing around of the heavy-laden platter of Miss Marcia's own special Downhome Fuuu-uuudge! Welcome one and all! No hungry wayfarer will be refused!
: Yours Most Graciously, Y'all!
: Miss Marcia
My DEAR Miss Marcia,
I know that little incident with the wash water won't stand between us when I assure you how delighted I am that you have returned to the hospitality business and stopped bilking the citizenry with those disGUSTing pretences of knowing all about everybody's past and future from your soggy, moldy tea leaves. Perhaps a rejuvenated interest in the kitchen arts will eliminate the inordinate amount of leisure time you have had to engage in tawdry little hobbies such as decorating my garden walk with your hand painted slates with the bizarre depictions of that obnoxious bug you obviously harbor on your property. Certainly, nobody else in the town has observed the little creature so closely, as I mentioned to the gentleman from the Environmental Service, who stopped by to inquire about them the other day.
We descendants of the Distinguished Cooper Line look forward to the resumption of your charming role as hostess to our social events and visitors.
Your friend and neighbor,
Miss Gaylee Cooper
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