Posted by Miss Marcia on September 15, 1998 at 15:12:36:
In Reply to: Re: Southern Hospitality & Welcoming Duties posted by Miss Gaylee Cooper on September 15, 1998 at 14:37:41:
Miss Gaylee Cooper wrote:
: My DEAR Miss Marcia,
: I know that little incident with the wash water won't stand between us when I assure you how delighted I am that you have returned to the hospitality business and stopped bilking the citizenry with those disGUSTing pretences of knowing all about everybody's past and future from your soggy, moldy tea leaves.
Slander! Calumny!! I can assure you, Miss Cooper, that I have NEVER engaged in bilking the citizenry with ANY pretenses, disgusting or otherwise, regarding past or present events of any sort. I limit my contact with said citizenry to extending warm and gracious welcomes to all who enter Mohicanland, and passing around my world-renowned DownHome Fuuuu-uuudge. There IS a possibility, however, that my EVIL twin, the Wickedly Sassy Miss Clair Voyant, might be involved in some sort of shenanigans or other involving soggy, moldy tea leaves. I'm sure I don't know what-all she's been up to of late, as she and I have not been on speaking terms since she pulled one of her obnoxious practical jokes some time back, and switched my cocoa squares for some chocolaty looking substance she "claims" she obtained from an out-of-body experience in the 20th Century. (Called it X-Lacks, or something similar, I believe!) Sure did run off the guests at one of my luncheons in a BIG hurry after they consumed about a plate and a half of my fuuu-uuudge!?
Anyway, she and I have not crossed paths since, so take your complaints of citizenry bilking elsewhere, if you please!
Gaylee also wrote:
: Perhaps a rejuvenated interest in the kitchen arts will eliminate the inordinate amount of leisure time you have had to engage in tawdry little hobbies such as decorating my garden walk with your hand painted slates with the bizarre depictions of that obnoxious bug you obviously harbor on your property.
Au contrare, mon ami! (Pahdon mah French & possibly my spelling!)I have never lost my interest in the culinary arts...just ask any passing carrier pigeon...and as for my liesure time, well there just ISN'T any. What with the growing clamor for my DownHome Fuuu-uudge, and the many new visitors to Mohicanland who must be welcomed with luncheons and other festivities, how can I possibly have leisure time?
As for handpainted slates, my dahling mama taught me that all well-bred ladies of this enlightened day and age should be adept at needlepoint and the fine art of watercolors. Slates simply don't enter into it. I suggest you look elsewhere for the creator of these items, to which you refer.
And Gaylee continued:
:Certainly, nobody else in the town has observed the little creature so closely, as I mentioned to the gentleman from the Environmental Service, who stopped by to inquire about them the other day.
So THAT'S who my latest Gentleman Caller is! And I thought he was attracted by the smells of my exquisite southern cooking, wafting from the open windows of my DownHome Kitchen. Well, if he was inspecting MY quarters for peculiar insects of any kind, he was most certainly disappointed! Ah don't cotton to BUGS, doncha know! Any stray six-legger that crosses my doorsill is instantly swept into the yard for my biddies to devour...makes 'em REALLY tasty for the chicken & dumplings to be prepared later!
And finally, Gaylee closed with:
: We descendants of the Distinguished Cooper Line look forward to the resumption of your charming role as hostess to our social events and visitors.
My Dear Miss Gaylee, I do SO thank you for that, anyway. It's evah so nice to know I was missed...even though the story that I had gone away was a BALD-FACED, out and out L-I-E! Y'all come on over later, y'hear? And we'll sip us a nice, cool lemonade on the verandah & talk about the price of tea in China!
Most Graciously Yours,
Fuuu-uuudge Maker Extraordinaire
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