Re: Southern Hospitality & Welcoming Duties

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Posted by Miss Marcia on September 15, 1998 at 21:27:01:

In Reply to: Re: Southern Hospitality & Welcoming Duties posted by Courier Editors on September 15, 1998 at 19:37:35:

Courier Editors write:
: Miss Marcia AKA Mdme. Claire Voyant AKA Fu-uudge Maker Extraordinaire AKA Twisted Sister's Sister,

>Yes, dahlings, that's my name(s)! Don't wear 'em out, y'hear?

: So, if we understand YOU correctly, you are claiming that it was not you who planted the amoebic-bug impression hand painted slates in Miss Gaylee Cooper's garden walk ways?

>Not *I*, said the Little Red Hen and Miss Marcia!

:And it WASN'T you who told all new arrivals to Mohicanland to "get off their lazy arses and eat at JFC's Fast Food Dutch Eatery"?

>Not *I* here, either!

:Nor was it YOU who opened that charlatan shoppe of ill repute in Mohicanland's Main Square ... the one with the expensive, though
: tacky, French decor?

>Nope, STILL not I!

:And it wasn't YOU who has stolen nearly all the Tea in China so you can try your hand at soothsaying with tea leaves?

>Uh-uh, no way, no sirree! Not I, not I, not I!!

: You are claiming it was your "evile twin sister" who did the dirty deeds?

>Oui, I did claim this thing! That Sis of mine is EVILE, EVILE, EVILE, I tell ya!

:We don't know if we should believe this.

> Listen...I'm always to be found at home in my cozy kitchen, stirring up batch after batch of fuuu-uuudge in my cast iron kettle, and humming quaint little ditties like, "Who Pit-tooo tobaccy on Tessie's weddin' gown? Oh, the organ was playin' up a quiver, that's why no one heard that pit-too dee-liver...oh who pit-too tobaccy on Tessie's weddin', la, hum, hum..." And while I'm thusly occupied, that Sassy Sis of mine is up to her evile ways, and blamin' me, time after time! *sigh* What's poor Miss Marcia to do??

: Who believes the Sassy Soothsayer? Courier readers want to know!

>All Miss Marcia can say is, if you DON'T believe in the Sassy Soothsayer, you better watch your backside! She's out there, all right, saying sooths sassily, and she'll cast a spell on YOU, if you're not careful, that'll make a believer out of ya, fer sure! And as for the Sooths she sassily says...well, just yesterday she told me mobcaps and powdered wigs would soon be out of style, and to run far, run fast if anyone should ever show up at my door offering to sell me something called an Edsel. Scoff if you like, but I believe her! She may be EVILE, tis true, but she's got the "Sight!"

: PS 10 pound of the finest chocolat fu-uudge just might encourage us to drop our planned investigation into your illicit and ill chosen activities!

>Y'all are most welcome to take part in the All You Can Eat Fu-uuuudge Festival at my DownHome Kitchen next week, if you like. But I swear on a stack of hoecakes, I've been up to nothing illicit a'tall! And shame on you for picking on Miss Marcia so! Don't you have a trade war somewhere that needs attending to?

Yours Most Graciously,
Miss Marcia
New Pillsburyville Bake-Off Winner

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