Posted by Sassy Soothsayer on October 01, 1998 at 12:21:51:
In Reply to: To The Sassy Soothsayer Re: Figure Eight to Hawkeye...The TRUTH! posted by The Bee Holder on October 01, 1998 at 11:49:22:
The Bee Holder comments:
: This is a remarkable story you have beeheld in your crystal ball.
>Wond'rous are the ways of a Sassy Soothsayer with a good crystal ball and a bag of Earl Grey!
:If you will bee kind enough to allow me to comment on one or two points in this psychic Flight of the Babble Bee, we may hive a truer picture yet. First of all, you wrote:
>Watch it, Kiddo! I'll "Babble Bee" YOU!
: Let me congratulate you on being old enough to remember Euell Gibbons. Even-steven for that low shot about the Kingston Trio a while back.
>Touche! Foresooth, I am indeed a soothsayer of some many years!
:As to Hawkeye's condition, I would point out that, according to his revered biographer, J.F. Cooper, Hawkeye hadn't a clue who, what, or where he was, and has been wandering the forest ever since as a sort of 18th Century Euell Gibbons, eating oak leaves and licking pine cones since he was about ten years old, so colliding with a few rocks was not likely to have flattened the reading on his ECG very much.
>Good point...tis true Hawkeye's main claim to fame does seem to be more in the physical realm than the cerebral! However, never underestimate the power of a long, lean hardbody!
: The swarm has beeheld much history of fiddling with Hawkeye's libido by the notorious fiddler of fame, Dr. Mary, who apparently introduced him to pleasures far exceeding anything he could find in a good Raid against the Maquas or even a campaign against the French by the side of his beeloved Fire-Eater. Now his frontier reputation is at stake. Even the Delawares are calling him "woman".
:Drat that Dr. Mary!! Imagine her introducing Hawkeye to those kinds of pleasure...it's so obvious that it should have been *I* to make such an introduction, if you get my drift, wink-wink, nudge-nudge!
: Meanwhile, Chingachgook has languished in captivity for months, and Hawkeye hasn't even missed him.
>Hey, he hasn't missed Cora, 3 square meals a day, or his MIND, either! Told you he's been wandering around in a clueless state, talking to the birds & imagining pictures in the clouds. "Look, there's a map of the Lower Hebrides, and a clear representation of Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Waters, and...and...a DUCKIE!"
>We need a hero here, not a clothes horse.
>Don't be bringing up no steenking horses, now! Sassy Soothsayer is still in a snit over her bids for Jo's Horse being scoffed at by those wretchedly treacherous traders!
:Bee Still My Heart says he will be happy to bore his way through the earwax of the redoutable Hawkeye to deliver your message of love and encouragement when Hawkeye proves he is worthy of beeing called a Brother of Chingachgook.
>Brother? I thought he was his adopted white son?? Wot's all this, then??? And does this mean you will send reinforcements to the aid of Hawkeye? Or must he go back & dig his grave under these oaks that have fed him for so many months?
: The Squirrel Fritters sound wonderful! Do you serve them dipped in honey sauce?
>Some say that's the way of it...Bee Holders and Cousin Eugenie ... but I'd rather make the gravest of errors than to distrust my own judgement. Please take this as my final answer...it must be no. You should serve your Squirrel Fritters with a tetch of Black Strap Molasses on the side...at least until Popeye's Cajun Mustard Sauce becomes available!
>And now, I must bee going. I have just received an urgent dispatch from Albany...it seems someone named Duncan Something-Or-Other has been having nasty nightmares involving barbecues, and wants my interpretation of these dreams. You know how I hate being the bearer of bad news, but something tells me this fellow is about to add new meaning to the phrase, "There'll be a hot time in the old town, tonight!"
Bee Seeing You (in crystal balls, tea leaves, and the funny papers!)
Insincerely yours,
Sassy Soothsayer, Still Sassily Saying Sooths