Posted by Mme. Clair Voyant d/b/a Sassy Soothsayer on October 01, 1998 at 16:26:01:
In Reply to: To the Sassy Soothsayer - Request for a Reading posted by The Bee Holder on October 01, 1998 at 14:13:53:
The Bee Holder writes:
: Beefore The Courier Editors and The Swarm risk an all-out assault on the Mingo camp, perhaps it would bee wise of us to ask you to gaze into your crystal ball and stir your tea leaves on our beehalf.
>It's high time SOMEONE started realizing how valuable a little advance info can be! The Sassy Soothsayer welcomes your patronage.
:We wish to know many things. Can Hawkeye be convinced to take up Killdeer against the Mingos? Will She Who Tracks La Longue Carabine escape the dreaded Mingos? Will Chingachgook bee found? Will JFC Fast Foods add Squirrel Fritters to their menu? Do Duncan's nightmares mean that his Bar Bee Q business will be a failure - should I dump my stock and put my money into doughnuts?
>My, my...we ARE nosy...I mean, CURIOUS, aren't we?? I'll take your questions one by one:
I have brewed up a pot of Lapsang Souchong, drunk off all the DEE-licious tea, and swirled the leaves around in the bottom of my special pewter tankard. Hmmmmm...you are fortunate. The tea leaves are full of information today. I see Hawkeye picking up Killdeer...oooops. Wait...oh. He's merely picking up *A* killdeer which he found dragging one wing and trying to lure him away from her nest. Not quite the same thing, I reckon! After turning the poor bird this way and that, he has tossed it aside, and gone back to cloud-gazing. (I TOLD you THREE times now, he's really OUT OF IT!!) But, after combining some crystal ball gazing with my tea leaf reading, I have managed to see a few days further into the future, and YES! Hawkeye will fight the Mingoes. He'll fight them with his eyes closed. He'll fight them with his hands tied behind his back. He'll fight them standing on one foot. Ack! Wrong movie!! Mme. Claire has been spending way too much time visiting Mighty Mohican Mama Marcia's OTHER websites, obviously!
After another quick swig of tea, I find myself leaving behind the Yellow Brick Road and gazing at the George Road, instead. To reassure you, there is no doubt that Hawkeye will fight. He can do no less. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Hawkeye gotta fight bad guys till he dies...can't help lovin' that Man of Mine!
As for She-Who-Tracks, you can't keep a good gal down, and she has been marshalling her strength in order to be ready for your rescue attempt. You will soon have her out of this sticky situation and back on track, where she belongs.
Chingachgook can bee found down by the gazing pool near the waterfall, staring at the reflection of his mighty tattooed chest, flexing his formidable biceps, and muttering something like, "Who do these Young Turks think they are, messing around with I, Chingachgook, Last of the Mohicans?"
JFC will, indeed, add Squirrel Fritters to their menu, when they can steal 'em. But, foolishly, Management has decided they would be better served with some of Miss Marcia's DownHome Sausage Gravy on the side. A serious mistake on their part! Anyone who tries to raid Miss Marcia's kitchen is in danger of being stabbed through the heart by a pickle fork!
And Duncan's Barbecue will be a spectacular, though very short-lived, success. As you have guessed, the smart investor will put his hard earned honey, I mean, MONEY, into shares of the more enduring Duncan's Doughnuts!
That about does it for today's edition of The Bee Holder Wants To Know. As for payment, I'll take 5 quarts of your famous Tupelo Honey, and a first edition of one of James Fenimore Cooper's Leatherstocking Tales books! How's that???
: P.S. Whether Hawkeye is Chingachgook's son or brother, and whether he is Uncas's brother or adopted uncle depends on who's on first - just don't ask Miss Gaylee Cooper about it.
>This whole subject is too confusing for my tiny little brain right now. I'm always exhausted after a trip into the future. No, I won't even get Miss Gaylee started on this matter until after I've rested and recuperated.
Tata For Now,
Sassy (who's too exhausted to sign off in her usual more formal manner, and certainly too tired to dream up another motto!)
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