Re: Trade Wars With the Far East - The Open Window

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Posted by Sheriff Twigg on July 07, 2000 at 20:46:38:

In Reply to: Re: Trade Wars With the Far East - The Open Window posted by GnomeDome on July 07, 2000 at 19:28:08:

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: : : : : : : : : Now, now, Turkish Trader - I do hope that you will still be allowing the Huggy Merchant to be trading her wares. I see that you are knowledgeable of Edward Lytton's splendid quote

: : : : : : : : : "Beneath the rule of men entirely great,
: : : : : : : : : The pen is mightier than the sword"

: : : : : : : : : and must therefore, be willing to allow a humble trader of words, wit and warmth to continue to do

: : : : : : : : : Of course, you might want to stop that Yengeese Strumpet from trading HER particular wares - as I think that the genteel ladies of these parts are none to happy with her 'flaunting her goods'.... and for some reason Sheriff Twigg is not being particularly swift in dealing with this matter.

: : : : : : : : : Yours

: : : : : : : : : The Huggy Merchant

: : : : : : : : Dear Huggy Merchant,

: : : : : : : : Now then, I am not quite sure what action you anticipate against the Yengeese Strumpet. She has done nothing against the law, so far as I can see, and frankly, I rather fancy the lady's personality. How many settlements can boast a Tart With a Heart, after all? You have to admit, she's not about to present any competition for Doc M. Yes, indeed, I believe a kindly (not to mention attractive) strumpet will add a touch of class to our bawdy elements. I understand she is seeing a lot of Dweebie Day-Lewis, and goodness knows, if anybody could use a gentle influence, that boy can! He's going around looking downright placid lately.

: : : : : : : : Sheriff Benton (Just Call Me Bent) Twigg

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: : : : : : : Oh - man! I can't resist! Sheriff, would that be a placid or FLACID state that Dweebie is walking around in........

: : : : : : : GnomeDome

: : : : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : : : : : Let me ASSURE you, Sir Gnome, that there are no gentleman walking around the House of Hoo-Haa in a flaccid state! What are you trying to do, ruin a working girl's reputation?! He is in a very RELAXED state, is all. Anyway, this, of course, you would know, as don't think that I haven't seen you leaping up and down on your wee legs outside my parlour window!

: : : : : : Yours seductively

: : : : : : The Yengeese Strumpet

: : : : : HEY! It's NOT what you think! I am just having fun on my wee trampoline!!! (Grunt, grunt *pushing trampoline closer to window)

: : : : : GnomeDome

: : : : Evenin', GnomeDome! Fine evenin' for bein' out and about, is it not? Ye look like ye're havin' jist a bit o' trouble pushing yer trampoline past those azalea bushes. Here, let me pick it up and put it where ye need it - - right over here next to the winder, ye say? All right - there ye are. Whoops! what's goin' on inside? Looks like some kind of meetin' takin' place. Er somethin'. Must be a meetin' o' very close fri'nds er relatives - lot o' huggin' and kissin' takin' place. Well, I'll be, if that is not Simon Girty in there passin' around a jug o' somethin'! Didn't know he had any close fri'nds livin' in town, but must be.

: : : : Oh, hello, Miss Gaylee. I was hopin' to see you on yer way home from choir practice - somethin' I need to talk to ye about. What? What're we doin' here under the winder? Well, I just stopped to help the Gnome, and caught sight of some meetin' goin' on inside the house and was wonderin' what meetin' it might be. Ye say ye didn't know of any meetin's takin' place tonight? Well, hope it's not one ye're supposed to be attendin'. Why don't ye take a look and see who's there, so's ye'll have a better idee. Here, I'll make a place for ye beside me.

: : : : She

: : : Thank you, She. This certainly is kind of you. I'm sure I didn't have any meetings down on my calendar for this evening, but - - - . OHHHHHHH, my GOODNESS! Well, I never! Just look at what's going on inside that house! Ssssssssh. It would never do to let folks know we were - - stop that leaping up and down, GnomeDome! I KNOW you were here first, but other folks have a right to see too, you know! Oh-oh, here comes Miss Marcia. Wait 'til she gets a gander at THIS! (giggle giggle) This'll strip the stripes off her skirt for sure!


: : : Miss Gaylee Cooper

: : Whinnnnne, whine, snuffle. Scratchscratchscratchscratch. Whine, pantpantpantpantpant.

: : Hector

: : Why, hello, Hector, old pup. Did you want to see what all the excitement is about? Well all right, then. Jump up here on the trampoline with GnomeDome. I guess that's just about right for short people - - uh, gnomes - - uh, friends of all kinds. You can put your paws right here on the window sill beside GnomeDome's chin. That okay? Good.

: : And look - here comes Uncle Wiscone with his jug of rum he got from the French Trader this afternoon. Being as it's so hot and humid this evening, a little sip of something wet to cool the palate would set well with us all, I imagine, if he'd be willing to share a drop with us in the spirit of friendship. Step right up, Uncle Wiscone. We're all (ahem) deciding whether this meeting inside is town business in which we should be included. Would you care to take a look?

: : Miss Gaylee Cooper

: Holie Molie, this is getting to be a voyeuristic convention!
: I CAN'T SEE darnit! I can't see!!! *jumping up and down*

: GnomeDome

I say, what's all this going on here? Little party in the bushes? Friendly raid on the Yengeese Strumpet's azaleas? Town seems to be hoppin' with life tonight! Just was over to Bumppo's Tavern, where I find the Dutch Trader trying to break up a war between the town gunsmith and a citizen with some views in opposition to his, and then I head home to what I hope is a quiet rest of the night, and what do I find but a cluster of peeping Toms? Seems there's no such thing as a peaceful Friday night around here. Now, you all just head on home and - - - what's this goin' on inside there - - - - WHOAAAAAAAA!! Looks like we got better entertainment then I reckoned on. Move over there a bit, Miss Gaylee and let me get a gander at this. Uncle Wiscone, if you'll just pass that jug over a little further - - think I need some liquid encouragement to handle THIS scene! Here, Gnome - - let me heist you up on my shoulders, so you don't get trampled. Oops, didn't mean to put my foot through your tramppoline. Have to get Dweebie to stretch a new skin for it tomorrow. So sorry. Oh, my - what have we here!!

Bent Twigg

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