Posted by TowneCrier Of LOTMLand on July 21, 2000 at 22:57:27:
In Reply to: Re: A Job Opening! For the Red Haired Lass--she accepts! posted by Red Haired Lass on July 21, 2000 at 22:44:19:
: : :
: : : : : Dear Christina -
: : : : : We might have been busy for a bit but do not think we hadn't been giving due consideration to your application for gainful employment in MohicanLand. We have thought about it ... your prior employment at the Coffee House establishment, your fondness for wearing wench blouses, & your willingness (eagerness, even) to eavesdrop, snoop, & gossip - all under the reputable cover of journalist commends you agreeably to the establishment run by one Peg O'Reilly. Overworked & undercompensated as Mrs. O'Reilly is, she has agreed to take you on at her modest tavern, known as Bumppo's. Perhaps you've heard of it? She has standards, however - you must be ready & willing to left hook, spit on, cuss at, & kick unruly patrons out the door & you must be well trained in the Art of Bawdy Tunes. If so, consider yourself a hired tavern wench at Bumppo's.
: : : : : One note of caution ... we have your word not one word of words spoken or uttered at Bumppo's, nor tidbits of scandalous activities, whether illicit, humdrum, or mundane, shall find their way in to periodicals from the colony of South Carolina? All the news that's fit to print ... & then some, is the property of The Courier & no other!
: : : : : Agreed?
: : : : : Sincerely,
: : : : : The Courier Editors
: : : : dear Red haired Lass,
: : : : The Courier Editors have voiced their faith in your abilities to be a Tavern Wench, which is a very hard job.
: : : : Now, if you are willing to work that hard, you might be willing to take on the job as the Ye Olde TowneCrier of LOTMLand?
: : : : You can write to me in care of the Publicant!
: : : : Ye Olde Towne Crier c/o Publicant aka Tax Collector
: : : : Cordially Yours,
: : : : Old TC
: : :
: : : Dear Cordially Ours,
: : : And just where do you think YOU'RE going??? We've not given you so much as a by or leave, nor have we pardoned you from Crying duty. And yet, here we find you Crying out loud, for crying out loud, for all to hear that you're offering your job to the first red haired lass who passes by. I suppose you'll be wanting to toss in the black satin duds, too! WELL, Miss Towne Crier, we'll have you know that we've commissioned a tinsmith to mold a fine punched tin lantern for you ... Still wanna cry "job for sale!"?????
: : : Sincerely,
: : : The Courier Editors
: : Dear Editors,
: : Re. fine punched tin lantern for me... yeah, I believe it when I see it!
: : However, lantern or not, I would have continued to keep CRYING...but... Red Haired Lass seems younger and more fit; besides with all that gorgeous hair, male folk will stand up and take notice of her crying-about, and women folk will line up to crop your hair to the bone...
: : ah hem. Mean old Towne Crier that I am!
: : OK, I'll reconsider if I truly get the lantern, and some ECLAIR.
: : jUST BECAUSE I had some Raki and great deliciious Turkish food, this does not mean I am giving up on ECLAIR!!!
: : sHE wHOSE EYES ARE BIGGER THAN HER TUMMY
: why, Towne Crier, I could never be thinkin' of takin' your job. Ye do it much too well. And truth be told, the job these fine people have chosen for me suits me so much better. I come from a long line of tavern wenches, ye see, and somehow I think I'd have found me callin', slingin' Glenlivet and cider for the fine men of Mohicanland...This weekend I'm committed to help the good Doc but I'll be available for ye next week at Bumppo's, if Mrs. O'Reilly'll have me. And ye needn't worry about secrets gettin' back to the folk in Carolina! With the exception of Auntie Winnie and Uncle Edgar, I've severed ties with 'em. (Have to keep up the contact with Aunt Winnie, as she's the one what gets the shipments of Scottish Bikini Insty-Peel and Smooth Laddie Wax from Aunt Aggie. Always need to keep a bit o'that in reserve, ye know...)
dear Red Haired Lassie,
Oh my , I see your point re. laddie wax!!!!!!!!!!
truly, as the Crier, you never get a chance to come near said precious item, nor any laddie fit to be bikini waxed.
Sigh Ok, i shall stay on.
I do like my calling, dear lassie, it's just that... I've waited for sooooooo long for my punched tin lantern, and CRIED OUT SOOOO LOUD FOR said item, that I felt no one cares whether I cry or not.
Yes, lassie, I'd be happy if you send me some laddie-wax as wages...
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