Yes, Virginia, There Is Gnome Butter

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Posted by Doc M on August 24, 2000 at 17:18:33:

Doctor Mary recently had the following letter delivered to the
door of the Mohicanland Clinic via her faithful Huron Courier

Dear Doctor Mary,

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no
such thing as Gnome Butter. Papa says, "Ask Doctor Mary. She
sees all, knows all." Please tell me the truth. Is there Gnome


Virginia, your little friends are wrong.( They wouldn't happen
to be 2 feet tall with pointy red hats would they? Yeah, I
thought so.) Yes, Virginia, there is Gnome Butter. Alas! How
dreary the world would be if there were not! How many itches
would not be soothed, how many butts would blister and burn,
how many delicate complexions would sag and wrinkle if that
were true! No Gnome Butter! Why, you might as well say there's
*gasp!* no Doctor Mary! Or no evil, nasty, pestilential little
Gnomes, for that matter! No Gnome Butter! Oy! You know the
mark-up kindly old Doc M gets on that stuff, child??? A
thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years
from now, when Doc M is just reaching the prime of life,
Gnome Butter will continue to exist and make glad Doctor
Mary's accountant, Murray of Mohicanland.

Now quit bugging me or I'll turn you into a turnip! And
your little dog, too!!

Kissy! Kissy!

Doc M

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