Re: Yes, Virginia, There Is Gnome Butter

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Posted by GnomeDome on August 24, 2000 at 18:47:12:

In Reply to: Yes, Virginia, There Is Gnome Butter posted by Doc M on August 24, 2000 at 17:18:33:

: Doctor Mary recently had the following letter delivered to the
: door of the Mohicanland Clinic via her faithful Huron Courier
: Service:

: Dear Doctor Mary,

: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no
: such thing as Gnome Butter. Papa says, "Ask Doctor Mary. She
: sees all, knows all." Please tell me the truth. Is there Gnome
: Butter?

: Virginia

: Virginia, your little friends are wrong.( They wouldn't happen
: to be 2 feet tall with pointy red hats would they? Yeah, I
: thought so.) Yes, Virginia, there is Gnome Butter. Alas! How
: dreary the world would be if there were not! How many itches
: would not be soothed, how many butts would blister and burn,
: how many delicate complexions would sag and wrinkle if that
: were true! No Gnome Butter! Why, you might as well say there's
: *gasp!* no Doctor Mary! Or no evil, nasty, pestilential little
: Gnomes, for that matter! No Gnome Butter! Oy! You know the
: mark-up kindly old Doc M gets on that stuff, child??? A
: thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years
: from now, when Doc M is just reaching the prime of life,
: Gnome Butter will continue to exist and make glad Doctor
: Mary's accountant, Murray of Mohicanland.

: Now quit bugging me or I'll turn you into a turnip! And
: your little dog, too!!

: Kissy! Kissy!

: Doc M


Be careful Virginia, she is just trying to lure you to her pot.
And please, please don't take any apples from her. See her broom? See those indians? They are called Huron my child, and they are quite dim-witted and easily distracted.
See their bat-like wings and rather stupid expressions? She sends them out to do her evil deeds. Oh, but don't we wish a house would fall on her? That's right my dear. She does, she does indeed lie. She even gets paid to lie (down) on occasion.
A young Pennsylvania Dutch brother and sister once listened to her to their woe. They were named Hansel and Gretl poor dears.

Gnomes are your friends. We have cute red hats. She is evil.
Look at her horribly retro black dress. Tacky, no? Look at her pointy shoes.....huge arent they? Why, she has more hair on her chin than I do! Of course, mine doesn't grow out of a huge wart.....look at my nice white beard? Am I not similar to that jolly old man who visits you on Christmas? Sure I am. Have you see Wizard of Oz? Does she not look like something you would love to throw water on?

That's right, run along home Virginia. Bye bye.

*now it would make my day if I could just see a pair of Doc Mary's feet sticking out from under a huge three story colonial.*


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