Posted by Bent Twigg on September 01, 2000 at 16:33:56:
In Reply to: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!! posted by Miss Marcia on August 30, 2000 at 19:37:42:
: *pant, pant, puff, puff!*
: "Ohmigosh! *pant, pant* Can't...run...pant, pant....much longer! Must...stop...pant, pant. Is it still behind me? I can't see for this apron tied around my head with the strings a-flappin', and this humongous white wench blouse trippin' me up every which way, an' this sticky hot honey poultice drippin' down my face an' all...but it seems kinda quiet back there. Maybe that dagnab bear gave up...?....pant, pant...heart slowin' down...wheew! Gotta catch my breath..."
: "URK!! What was that snap? That ominous crackle??? Something's running this way...gotta get up off the ground & make another escape...huff, puff..."
: "YIIIIIIIIIIIIKES!!! What the heck is THAT little white drippy thing with a shower cap on its head & flip-flops on its feet???? Good lord, it's...it's...MISS PADDLETALE??? Calm down, Paddletale, calm down...what's that your screamin' about? A MONSTER?? A Flappy White MONSTER and...a BEAR??? OH, NO! The bear's still comin' then?? Quick, Miss P, run for your life!! Follow MEEEEEEEEEEEE..."
: *races out of bushes and runs headlong into group of hystercial children, all screaming and running in circles*
: Miss Marcia: "SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!"
: Miss Paddletale: "QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!"
: Children: "ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH, SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM, AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Miss MAAAAAAAAARCIA! Miss MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARCIA! Where are you? It's Bent, Sweetie Pie - Bent! It's getting to be dusk, and I can't see where you went. There's nothing to be afraid of - I'll get you home safely, Tootsie Wootsie, if I can just find you! Miss MAAAAAAAARCIA!
: Miss Gaylee: *Swoon...THUD!*
: EVERYBODY: *CRASH, BONK!!*
: *silence falls over clearing. Dust settles. Children whimper for their mommas. Miss Marcia is gently (?) slapping Miss Gaylee's cheeks to revive her. Miss Paddletale is blue in the beak, and quacking not one quack. Loud crashing noises in the underbrush appear to be growing farther and farther away.*
: "Miss Gaylee, Miss Gaylee...wake up. I think the bear has run away, and your children need you...wake up, Dear."
: *Miss Gayle opens one eye...sees the dripping, flapping, apparition in front of her, all covered with bits of leaves & twigs, ooozing honey from every surface, and promptly faints dead away again.*
: "Oh, Dear...she's out like a light, and Miss Paddletale is flat on her back with her little webbed toes pointing skyward, too...it's just ME here with all these little ones, sobbing & sniffling around me...oh,my...Lawsy, Lawsy, I don't know NUTHIN' 'bout comfortin' no babies!!! Only one solution comes to mind..."
: *takes deep breath*
: "BEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!! BENTON TWIIIIIIIGG!!! Your woman NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS you!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!"
Dweebie, for gosh sakes, get that gun out of my face and go find She Who Tracks. I heard rifles in two directions, and they can't both be after the same bear, so I don't know where the bear is, but I'll find Miss Marcia, no matter how long, no matter how far, and bring her home. - - - There go those rifles again. How many hunters we got prowlin' these woods tonight?! Good Gravy! Bears, Miss Marcia missing, the duck disappeared into the underbrush, hunters lettin' off their rifles in all directions - - WATTAYA MEAN, YA DROPPED YOUR BULLETS AND IT'S TOO DARK TO FIND 'EM?!
Forget it - - I'm goin' after Miss Marcia. Miss MAAAAAAAARCIA!!!!
Consarn it! Serves me right for tryin' to take a shortcut. Wasn't bad enough I stumbled into the bog and it was near dark by the time I got to the other side. No! I had to come out right in the midst o' the biggest blackberry bramble patch this side o' the mountain! Never get myself untangled from these durn brambles. Here's Miss Marcia waitin' to be rescued, and here I am hung onto by every briar in Mohicanland! Might get loose if I reeeeeeeeal slow pulled my arms outta my jacket and left it hangin' here, but then I'd get sliced to death gettin' through the bushes.
Ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-p. There! got one arm free! Shucks! Got that other branch tangled in my hair. Pick it loose - - - there, ouch! lost a few hanks of hair - - can't afford to lose too much - - isn't all that much there anymore, anyway. Now, just move more to the right and forward - forward - why can't I move forward? Danged brambles snaggled up in my trousers.
"BEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!! BENTON TWIIIIIIIGG!!! Your woman NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS you!! HEEEEEEEEELP!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!"
There she is again - I hear her - gotta get outta here NOW! Heck with the darn brambles! LUNGE RI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-P! Aw H* * L! There goes the whole seat o' my trousers!!!!!! Talk about Miss Marcia running through the woods with bare behind! Who cares!!
I'M ON MY WAY, MISS MARCIA! NO MATTER HOW FAR - I WILL FIND YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!
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