Your Plea Answered, 'Red Haired Lass'

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Posted by Kate on September 15, 2000 at 14:09:34:

Dear 'Red...',

If I can get a drop of hay for the horse, I'll be there!! All this 'blockading the supplies' has resulted in empty hay barns, with hardly a bale o' hay to be found in all of Mohicanland! This has resulted in fewer horses on the road and the question on everyone's lips 'is my journey really necessary'?

However, this is something we MUST do! No longer will we lie down and accept further increases in taxes and duty on our hay!! Hey! How much more of a burden must we - and our horses, carry?! That British bam pot, loose lipped, lying some of a ... travelling sideshowman, Blair, will NOT get away with sitting on his duff in London, levying taxes on our hay, while our horses eat cake!!! He KNOWS we depend on horsepower to get around the frontier!! How can we push the boundaries further west when we are forced to pay unreasonable prices for our hay?!! No wonder he said 'Go west, young man!' - he wanted the duty on each bale of hay we feed our trusty steed as we dutifully made our way to California!! Our hay is thatching his roof and WE WON'T HAVE IT!!

And now, you wouldn't believe what's happening!! It's like living under war conditions! As the hay runs out and the carts remain in their sheds and 'supplies' are no longer moving up the Hudson, the good citizens of Mohicanland are going crazy - and buying out the food in every Mercantile on the frontier, laying in 'stores' as though food will never be available again!! Bread? Milk? Hasn't been any on the shelves in, oh must be near 4, 5 days or so, now! If you don't have a cow, milk's just a memory, pal!! And as for COFFEE!!! Well, you KNOW how many in THIS community rely on that first shot of caffeine in the mornings!! Well, if Doc Mary can find a bushel o' beans within a hundred mile radius of the Hudson, then I'm my own grandma!! You know, I reckon 'She...' and Hector would do a ROARIN' trade - were she to do a little huntin' and ... tradin'. I reckon *I'd* be willing to trade a wee quilt for one or two rabbits, possums, or whatever. After all, fair exchange is no robbery (and what the 'treasury' don't see, they can't hardly tax!).

Now, you didn't hear this from me, BUT - I hear tell an old guy and his two boys are moseying up to Schylerville to trade silver for wampum and brandy - and as much food as that disappearing horse o' theirs has the strength to carry, not having eaten for a week! Now I've TOLD them, "Steer clear o' the Camerons' place!! (John Cameron is NOTORIOUS for his barbecue technique!! I hear tell he near set the whole house on fire, last time!!) You want to come straight back, too - and no picking up hitchhikers'!!

Oh hey! Enough about hay! I reckon I will use up my last 'drop' o' hay, to ride over to Bumppo's and enjoy a hearty meal of squirrel fritters, some of the Yangese Strumpet's (in)famous Pork Scratchin's, Calm Bee Nation's tasty honey, washed down with a wee glass (or 10!! Just to keep you busy so that Mrs. O'Reilly don't decide to 'let you go'!!) of Bumppo's 'Put Hair On Your Chest' corn squeezin's, and finish off with some of Miss Marcia's famous Downhome Fuuuuu-dge!!

Of course, 'Red...', I DO want to support you in your time of trouble!! That's what we DO, here in Mohicanland!! I mean, it ain't YOUR fault that there is no hay in the place, and therefore, no one has the means to visit the tavern!! Thus, no work, and no tips!! And the threat of 'no job'!! No!! It's my 'CIVIC DUTY' to use my last handful o' hay and come to Bumppo's for a pie and a pint!!!

(And after all, one never knows WHEN one will get the chance to eat again!! :o(

Yours in anticipation - Yuuuummmm!!
Miss Katie.

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