Posted by The Huggy Merchant on November 17, 2000 at 16:58:37:
In Reply to: Re: Quilt Shoppe Capers posted by Quilt Shoppe Proprieteress on November 17, 2000 at 14:08:55:
: : : : : : : As fires raged in one part of Mohicanland, it was quite another story in the little corner occupied by the Huggy Merchant. Torrential rain and rising rivers had left her somewhat damp. As she stood hanging out her dripping wet ‘thoughts’ on her already full washing line (next to the freshly washed blue checked jammies), she saw the Huron Delivery Boy rush up clutching a rather crumpled piece of paper in his hands. Stopping dead in his tracks, his chin dropped to the floor and an unintelligible stream of mumbling emitted from his mouth. The Huggy Merchant, who normally had the sweetest of temperaments, was in no mood for small talk. “What are you looking at, sir?” she snapped. “Why, I am looking at you, miss” he finally muttered. It was at this point that Huggy realised that in her rather damp condition, her nice little white frilly blouse (a present from Miss Katie of the Quilte Shoppe) was quite transparent. The Huron Delivery Boy pulled himself together sufficiently well to hand over the rather crumpled piece of paper, stated that it was a message from Ilse and skulked off in the direction of Bumppos. “Who the f*ck is Ilse?” thought Huggy, and then realised that it was the alter ego of a certain Dutch Trader. The message was to the point, in DT’s inimitable style.
: : : : : : :
: : : : : : : Fellow Traders:
: : : : : : : At the recent meeting of the Mohicanland Traders Guild, we voted to elect a new Chief Trader and as you know, before the French Trader could issue one note of ‘Hail to the Chief’ on his bagpipes, there were demands for second and even third counting of hands. Ok, so it was not the best thing to give the responsibility for counting to E.Lane who as we all know, has trouble counting, she just doesn’t know when to stop.....six, seven, eight, nine? It didn’t help that the Huron Delivery Boy had left a couple of spare hands lying around which the Canadian Trader thought could be used to her advantage. Still, the point is, we need to meet at Bumppos tonight to.......finish this.
: : : : : : : Dutch Trader
: : : : : : : PS Huggy Merchant, we have not seen eye to eye (or even black eye to black eye) recently, *snort*, but I say wah-ta-heck, lets call a truce. What do you say? Lets get together over some Chaw-co-lat and genever and patch things up.
: : : : : : :
: : : : : : : The Huggy Merchant frowned, she had come to distrust the Dutch Trader, particularly after the last two black eyes, but never one to hold a grudge, decided to give DT a second chance. She made a mental note to wander over to Bumppos later and returned to clearing out her flooded house.
: : : : : : : Meanwhile.....over at Bumppos......
: : : : :
: : : : : : So and would this be the reason me Huron Delivery Boy shows up tonight for Red's weekly foot rub soakin' wet and babblin' somethin' about the Dutch and traders an' blouses? An' nary a look at Red's newest Wench blouse, sent to her by special delivery from Aunt Aggie for a late Samhain (Halloween) present? Why, it's a peach linen wench blouse with cream lace an' black velvet lacings, but who's to notice it now, may I ask? The Huron Delivery Boy's come down with a nasty cold, me feet are achin' from standin' last night servin' up squeezins' to a flock o'lost trappers who insisted on havin' a billiards tournament (and where may I ask, was Doc M to pass out under the tables? Always provides a fun distraction...) Well, if ye be makin' yer way to Bumppo's, I'll be there servin' up the squeezins and o'course, Wench on the Rocks per request o'the Gnome, but I'd be askin' ye to bring with ye some herbs and linaement to heal the poor Delivery Boy. And by the way, due to the stress Red and Mrs. O' Reilly ha' been under recently, we're offerin' a special "Nurture That Inner Magua" class tomorra night as well. Just in time for the holidays!
: : : : : : Yers, with achin' arches,
: : : : : : Red
: : : : : : PS ...well, maybe things aren't so rough after all. After puttin' the Huron Delivery Boy to bed with a poultice on his chest, I got a knock on me door. Seems as that nice Nathaniel has come an' offered his foot rubbin' services...
: : : : : --------
: : : : : Meanwhile at Dutch Trader's Casa....
: : : : : "WAKE UP!", Ilse yelled at the Dutch Trader, who was taking a peaceful nap, "you're supposed to head over to Bumppo's tonight." "Oh, shut up," Dutch said, "you've had your 15 minutes already. Now beat it."
: : : : : Dutch decided to pay E.Lane a visit first, to see how the counting was coming along. She opened the door and saw E.Lane sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by a blizzard of white papers. Canadian had turned on three enormous fans to keep the papers airborne. In a far corner the French Trader unsuccessfully laboured to keep the papers out of his bagpipes.
: : : : : "Close the door, eh?", Canadian said, "we wouldn't want to lose votes."
: : : : : "Ah wah-tah-heck," Dutch replied, "Let's turn this stuff into confetti and throw a big party at Bumppo's, yes? Maybe Huggy has some GEN-YOO-WINE Swiss chaw-co-lats to share this time."
: : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
: : : : Meanwhile, back at Miss Katie's Quilte Shoppe, Huggy had decided to stop by to see about getting her new white blouse lined and was surprised to see that genteel Southern lady Miss Marcia there. "Why, Miss Marcia, what a pleasant surprise to see you here?" Miss Marcia, struggled up from the wicker rocker in which she had been gracefully reclined, *poot* *poot* *hic*, and then in a most undignified way, fell flat on her face. Miss Katie, rushed out from the back room and with a swift movement of her dainty little foot, kicked a small bottle of Red's infamous corn squeezin's under the rocker. "Oh, Miss Marcia" she exclaimed, "the heat must have got to you, my dear, yes, of course, it was the warmth that made you....er.....faint. Let me help you up my dear friend". Miss Katie hauled her slouched friend to her feet and deposited her unceremoniously back in the rocker. Huggy, who had been feigning interest in one of Miss Katie's discount rathair and hotwax scraping quiltes slowly turned round as Miss Marcia mumbled.........
: : : >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
: : : 'Wah-tah-heck, let's just finish the squeezin's'. Miss Katie eyed Huggy from under her cornflower blue eyes. 'Really, m'dear, I believe Miss Marcia's coming down with something and I do think we should all partake of a leetle brandy - purely for medicinal purposes only, of course! Miss Marcia should have some to ward off that...er...heatstroke and WE should have some, so as not to catch it off her!' Miss Katie bent down and with a deft movement of her big toe, had soon winkled out the elusive jug of corn squeezin's. 'Come on', she grinned at Huggy, with a little twinkle in her eye, 'it's good for what ails ya'! Now, what can I do for ya'?
: : : Huggy passed over her new white blouse and preceeded to explain how water and chiffon did not 'mix'. 'Hmmm...becomes a mite DIAPHANOUS, don't it?' quipped Miss Katie. 'I can see you don't believe in 'wearing and sharing', Miss'. Well, I SHOULD be able to do something for you! I believe I have just the answer!'
: : : For twenty minutes or so, Miss Katie's sewing needle darted in and out of the white material. To pass the time, Huggy watched over Miss Marcia, occasionally hauling her back into the rocker, as Miss M. gently slid down the seat. In what seemed like no time at all, Miss Katie held up the finished garment. 'Well, whadya think, Huggy? That solve your problem? That'll be 1/2 pound of GEN-YOO-WINE Swiss chaw-co-lats, in payment please?'
: : : Huggy took one look at her new white blouse, with its new lining and exclaimed...
: : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
: : 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Miss Katie!!!! What have ye done?' Huggy stared at the blouse with saucer like eyes. 'Surely, ye cannot be expecting me to wear that to the Traders Meeting tonight? What were ye thinking?' As Miss Marcia slid slowly off her rocker yet again, Miss Katie replied.......
: 'Miss Marcia? You off your rocker AGAIN?? You gotta get a grip, Miss, else folks'll start talking!'
: 'Now Huggy, I don't quite see your problem'. Miss Katie held up the offending garment. 'Tell me, just what is it about the lining you don't like??' Huggy's eyes opened wide in amazement. 'You mean you can't SEE it', she exclaimed! Miss Katie looked again at the blouse in question. 'Looks okay to ME!'
: Suddenly, from the direction of the rocker, came the start of a low chuckle, which quickly errupted into peals of laughter! 'I don't beee-lieeeeve it!', she cried, wiping her eyes on the corner of her pinny. 'Oh, Miss Katie, I haven't enjoyed such a laugh in a LONG while, sartain!!
: Miss Katie looked over at Miss Marcia and gave her a conspiratorial wink. 'I assure you, Miss Merchant, this is JUST THE THING to wear to the Traders' meeting! I swear, the Traders won't be able to keep their eyes off your b..... blouse, Miss! Go on, try it on for size!'
: Miss Katie took Huggy through to the back room where she could change into the blouse. Huggy pulled the blouse over her head and with a sigh, took a look in the cheval mirror standing in the corner. 'Ohmigod', she moaned, 'its...
......its........its......frontless!! Wah-ta-heck is the point of having lining in the back......and NO FRONT!! Dear oh dear Miss Katie, how can I stand up at the traders meeting with my bristols on show! No, no, no indeed. And as for you, Miss Marcia, a lady of breeding should no better.......what have you to say on the matter, Miss?...............
Post a Followup