Posted by Yes, more Mohicanland Chronicles! on September 25, 2000 at 12:07:26:
In Reply to: Re: Time for The Autumn Cleaning & Trade Wars Heat Up posted by You guessed it... more Mohicanland Chronicles on September 25, 2000 at 09:42:43:
: : : : : : : : Well before first light, when the woods were yet silent and cold, and the river ran dark and heavy under a cover of morning fog, She Who Tracks La Longue Carabine slipped lightly into her bark canoe and pushed off into the gentle current. With Hector snuggled warmly against her legs, she plied her paddle quietly and set off toward the eastern settlements, where she would trade a few pelts for her final supplies before she struck off north toward the ruins of Fort William Henry and on into the wilderness in the search for game. Her heart lifted with the morning sun, as a gentle breeze slowly sent the layers of swirling fog upward past the treetops and into the pale blue of an early Autumn sky. With the Autumn Hunt ahead, can adventcha be far behind?
: : : : : : : : The Mohicanland Chronicles
: : : : : : : Meanwhile, in another part of Mohicanland......
: : : : : : : The Dutch Trader was drawing up an inventory of left-over Summer goods. "Bloody hell", she said, "what-tah-heck am I going to do with all this worthless stuff?" After some deep, spiritual soulsearching, she decided to consult Commander Achillse.
: : : : : : : The Commander advised: "Trash it. You'll feel better once you're done. Trust me. And, hey! Let's be careful out there. Where-tah-heck are my warrioresses? I hate to be unemployed. Can't you traders start another trade war?"
: : : : : : : The Commander was right, of course, and after trashing her place, DT felt absolutely more UP than she had all Summer. She decided to head over to Bumppo's to get seriously smashed and to beat the living daylights out of the Huggy Merchant. Who needs hugs anyway? Duh...
: : : : : : : DT was getting all excited at the prospects, but suddenly there was a knock on the door. What-tah-ya-know? It were the old trading buddies, E.Lane and the Canadian. They looked rather agitated and said.........
: : : : : : ****
: : : : : : "Hey! Hey! Hey! DT! Wah-Tah-Ya mean stirrin' up a Trade War without so much as a by your leave?!!! We want a cut of the action, too. Have you forgotten the vow you swore when we formed the Mohicanland Traders' Guild?"
: : : : : : DT, who was still seriously smashed & feeling UP, turned a bit red-faced & recited the vow;
: : : : : : "We love our gold,
: : : : : : We love our shillings,
: : : : : : But most of all,
: : : : : : We love a killing.
: : : : : : We promise with all solemnity,
: : : : : : To never steal, or kill, or unfairly cheat,
: : : : : : Without at first havin' gained approval,
: : : : : : From fellow Traders the gold's removal."
: : : : : : E. Lane nodded at DT's confession while Canadian simply said, "Show me the money, eh?"
: : : : : : "Okay," said DT, "it was a decent bootie. Selling Hugs is pretty lucrative!"
: : : : : : As DT went to get the loot, another knock knocked on the door.
: : : : : : "Hey! Hey! Hey! Let's be careful in there, people! Wah-Ta-Heck?!!!"
: : : : : : ...
: : : : : Barked Commander Achillse, looking pleased with herself. "Good old Huggy is running all over town, crying to everybody who wants to hear that she's been mistreated and mugged by the traders from hell."
: : : : : "Guess she needs a hug, eh," said the Canadian.
: : : : : DT and E.Lane smirked.
: : : : : "What you gonna do next? What's your strategy?" the Commander inquired.
: : : : : The traders exchanged puzzled looks. "Strategy? We never use that. We just create general mayhem all over the place. Sort of a Captain Chaos strategy, if you will. Then, when the dust settles, we check each other for vital signs and do a couple of high fives when we're okay. Nothing more to it."
: : : : : "Sounds like a solid plan," said the Commander, "Make it so. And let's be careful out there. Or not. Whatever. What-ta-heck is that awful noise outside?"
: : : : : ....
: : : : Meanwhile.......outside.......The Huggy Merchant, had stopped the French Trader, with the point of her extra sharp quill.
: : : : "Oy, I thought that my appointment to the Trader's Guild had been approved? Don't expect the remainder of the hugs I traded until you have sorted this out. See this black eye? How am I supposed to be huggy, charming and delightful.....with a SHINER? So, francais chien, what do you have to say about it?"
: : : : The French Trader looked somewhat shifty for a moment, and then, as is his wont, started laying on the charm......"Ma cherie, I will fix zis leetle problem, let me speak to the other traders, pas de problem".
: : : : The Huggy Merchant, not one given to an overly suspicious nature, finally relented, and withdrew her sharpened quill from the French Traders nether regions. "I am not bothered about the thievery", she said, grinning smugly, "that idiot Dutch Trader only managed to steal my chocolate coin collection - the other traders are gonna have a fit when they see the 'booty'". The Huggy Merchant threw back her head and laughed loudly, but when her eyes returned to the French Trader, they had an almost unrecognisable glint "You have 24 hours to FIX this", she hissed, with uncharacteristic venom.
: : : : The French Trader, adjusted his rather over the top red wool breech clout, regained his composure, and after an excessively flamboyant bow, disappeared into Bumppo's.
: : : : The Huggy Merchant, still somewhat peeved, headed off to Miss Marcia's for some genteel company and a little southern hospitality, whilst the sounds of angry voices could be heard behind Bumppos door.......
: : : : ~~~~~~~~~
: : : "Wah-Ta-Heck!"
: : : E. Lane, Canadian, French Trader, and DT were having a serious disagreement out back from Bumppo's.
: : : "It's not gold! It's chocolate ... And it's not even Swiss Chaw-co-lot!" hissed a very angry E Lane.
: : : "Alright, Dutchie," added Canadian, "this your sick idea of a Dutch Treat, eh?"
: : : DT was even less amused than the others. She smashed several gold coin looking wrapped cheap non-Swiss Chaw-co-lots on the ground & stomped them with her wooden shoe. She looked at French Trader ... She glared at French Trader. She spit at French Trader.
: : : "This is your doing, Frenchie! You've conned us somehow just to gain favor with the Huggy Merchant! Admit it you yellow-bellied double crosser! Admit it & get us some gold!"
: : : DT rolled up her sleeves, paused to pick up all the tricks that fell out, & knocked out French Trader with a swift left hook.
: : : About that time, the Huggy Merchant could be heard approaching. She was hissing & offering cheery thoughts alternately.
: : : The Traders, not including the downed Frenchie, looked at each other in puzzlement.
: : : "What-the ..."
: : : _____
: : After a mint julep, and some delicious fuuuuuuudge at the ever-hospitable Miss Marcia's, plus the added bonus of a sympathetic ear, the Huggy Merchant decided to return to Bumppo's in search of the serving lass, Red. She hoped that Red, or the ever useful Mrs O'Reilly might provide a little medication for her colourful shiner. Unfortunately, she ran into Doc Mary, who was distracted briefly from her daily workout, which involved some rather strenuous gnome-kicking, as well as some rather dubious exercises for her increasingly slack pelvic floor. With a *creak* and a *poot*, she stood up and made a bee-line for the Huggy Merchant, in an attempt to sell some of her rather noxious Huron Ass-tringent for the HM's shiner. The Huggy Merchant, who had given up on Doc Mary as a lost cause, hissed something unintelligible and continued on her way. Taking the back entrance into Bumppos in the hopes of avoiding the Traders, she headed for the kitchen in the search for Red......
: : Meanwhile, the Yengeese Strumpet, who had been observing all the commotion from the first floor window of the House of Hoo-Haa, decided to wander over to Bummpos to visit with the Traders......
: ........
: After having decked French Trader, Dutch Trader felt definitely UP again. She decided to go to the kitchen to look for some real Swiss Chaw-Co-Lots. Canadian was feeling like a snack too and joined her.
: Filled with anticipation, they threw open the kitchen door. The door hit Huggy Merchant in the face, giving her a second shiner.
: "Today's not your day, eh?" said Canadian.
: "You should put some ice on that," suggested Dutch Trader, "and while you're at it, put some ice on the Frenchie's face too."
: Canadian and Dutch started to turn the kitchen upside down in their search for Swiss Chaw-Co-Lots. Suddenly they heard E.Lane say....
: .....
.." Ah, who cares about Swiss Chaw-Co-Lots"!! I've had my fill of that!! DT what-tah-heck has happened to my Delft porcellain???
DT replied: " Oh but Doc Mary broke yours in one of her...umm..tantrums..She was in quite a state since ALL her Huron men were missing.Ah, but don't despair, TGATL!! A shipment of new wares should have arrived today, right Canadian??
The Canadian Trader turned as red as the maple leaf on her flag:
" Well, a fellow ( flying) Dutchman arrived from Friesland but only stayed for a little while. His eyes were so blue that I forgot to ask him about the Delft..my sincerest apologies for that!! Perhaps we need a courier to have him come back to us?"
The Dutch Trader was NOT pleased and replied:........