Posted by Courier Editors on December 19, 2000 at 00:18:32:
It has come to our attention that there has been confusion and queries tossed about Mohicanland lately in regards to the origins of the many citizens of this great, though obscure, colony. It would appear that a 'Historie of the Colony of Mohicanland' would be in order. Since the origins of the colony and its citizens appear to be the object of an intense, mad, frenzied search for truth & knowledge, we, the Courier Editors, though we thought our retirement would prove to be a peaceable sort of peace, will unretire ourselves so that we might provide yet another public service announcement by way of issueing a full, thorough, complete, unabridged, tell-it-like-it-is scandal sheet -or what might be called a report - on the origins of the madness.
There is a looooong rap sheet ... we mean, census to publicize and publish for the public good. The Traitors, Traders, Trade Wars, & the Traders' Guild, Doctor Mary, the Three Little Piggies, Mme Claire Voyant, Miss Ann T, Reverend Wheelock, Goody Tew Shoes, Mohicaan Bountyess, Carol of Colonial Cookery, Esquire David Gamut, Colonial Joe, E Lane, Ye Olde Towne Crier, Thankful Daniels, Achillse & the Wah-Tah-Wah Warrioresses, Magua's Moll, She-Who-Tracks-La Longue Carabine, Miss Marcia, Miss Gaylee Cooper, Mrs. Mary Long & the Homebound Women's Coffee Club, Mr. Mary Long Carabine, Cereal Killers, The Great Awakening of Jonathan Edwards, Rich Fed, Can-Tuck-ee Victoria, The Frontier Female Freedom Fighters, Rebecca of Salem, Pilgrim Penny, Uncas Myson, The Ascone Tribe, She-Who-Would-Be Queen Elizabeth, and so on and so forth and more and more and more. They are all here; first generation Mohicanland personages, if you will ... Are they merely fictional characters? Some say that's the way of it. Most were created exactly where you'd expect ...
Off the Beaten Trail & introduced via The Courier. (And we DO wish the citizenry would become literate some day. We've got a periodical to sell & it's no fun trashing reputations or slandering unsuspecting people if no one reads the trash ... we mean, news!)
It is our duty to report all the news that's fit to print ... and then some. We reluctantly, wearily, spitefully, begrudgingly, and in ill humour accept the mantle of telling tall tales the populace has demanded of us. Keep your eyes open. The Summa Courier will be hitting your tavern door any day now.
The Courier Editors
AKA Mohicanland's Mind's Eye
Post Script: To those who've arrived more recently, be forewarned & well armed ... no one is immune to The Courier's scrutiny and poison quill.
Post a Followup