Posted by Seamus on April 03, 2001 at 17:41:24:
April ye 3rd, 1759
A message for
Nancy, the dark-haired lass
north of the Chilisquaque,
on the West Branch of the Susquehanna
above Ft. Augusta
My dearest Nancy,
I must take these moments to inform you of what has transpired since I last wrote you.
As you will recall Flags, Tales and I had spent some miserable moments, wet and cold, in the ravine thanks to someone stealing the supplies left for us by Drummer Armstrong, and that he was looking into the mystery. Well, Edward did, indeed, ferret out the culprit, told us who it was, we set a trap and caught our suspect who now languishes in the guardhouse awaiting a court-martial, which is to be held within a couple of weeks. It will involve bringing in officers of some rank from other duty stations because our suspect is Major Grant.
Tales and I baited him at the Tavern the other evening with a story of some gold coins in a haversack I had hidden inside a hollow tree, and that I was going to retrieve it as I headed out of here Saturday morning early. Of course, there were no gold coins, but there certainly was a surprise for whoever turned out to be our thief.
Tales and I left the stockade undetected, placed our “surprise” in the haversack from where we found it lying on the ground in a pile behind the fort, and made our way to the hollow tree. Tales had secured himself along the trail leading to the tree, and I did the same just beyond it, where I could easily see anything that happened at the tree. Very shortly after settling in, I heard Tales signal that someone was coming, and then in a few moments, saw the figure of a man reach into the tree and bring out the haversack. He reached inside it, screamed an oath, threw it down and turned and started back the path toward the fort, cursing and retching all the while! I left my hiding place, retrieved the haversack and followed him. The odor was horrific! A blind man could have followed him, it stunk so.
Tales was waiting on the path, and when he called for the thief to stop, the culprit turned and started to run towards me. I smacked him along the side of his head with the flat of my tomahawk and knocked him senseless, then Tales and I dragged him to the fort.
We were met by Capt. Croy, Major Campbell and Drum Major Armstrong, who had been watching this plan develop. Edward had shared with the Captain and the Major what was afoot.
Grant, by now had begun to regain his senses, and was protesting vigorously, threatening us with all sorts of things, including murder, and was dragged to the guardhouse, still screaming and yelling obscenities at all of us. Once inside Captain Croy shouted at him to be still. To our amazement, he shut up and just glared at the Captain.
“Major Grant,” he said, “ You have been caught and caught good. I would say that your fate has been determined already, with or without a court-martial, which of course you shall have. There are at least five witnesses to your behavior and the criminal intent to which you have succumbed. In addition, the fact that you are marked...stained, as it were...by a very clever placement of an unmistakable and irrefutable marker inside the haversack, which I now hold in my hand. Look at your right hand, Major. Look at the stain there. There is no mistaking what your intent was, Sir, and you shall pay dearly for your dishonesty.”
“Lock him up and post a double guard...inside and outside!” he ordered, and the four of us returned to Captain Croy’s headquarters to celebrate our success. The captain poured us all a silver cup of Glenlivet and said, “Seamus, Drummer Armstrong told us you said you’d guarantee to catch him red-handed. Well, you have done just that, my boy!”
In one hand he held his silver cup; in the other he hoisted the foul haversack.
“Here’s to you, and to you, Three Tales! You lads have really caught our thief red-handed!!”
And as he took a drink, he laughed so hard he nearly choked...for you see, inside the haversack was the disgusting, slimy, gooey, foul-smelling remains of ...........................ready for this??
RED BUD!!!!!!!!!!! Yep! Is it not ironic that our once-extremely-irritating enemy has become an ally?
I must go now, for it is late and there is much to do tomorrow.
I love you, Nancy, and soon I will be with you again.
Seamus