Posted by She Who Tracks La Longue Carabine on May 03, 2001 at 18:19:43:
In Reply to: Re: Voices in the Forest & A LOVE Survey posted by Miss Marcia on May 02, 2001 at 22:01:10:
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: : Now, Miss Marcia, it's just very possible the Red-Haired Wench and I have some remote kinship. Sartain, we share the same care-free blithe-spirited personality. And the - - - family was a bit far-flung in the days when we were naught but newcomers in the Dutch settlements. Howsever, I went off into the forests and began trackin' La Longue Carabine at an early age, and I misdoubt that the Red-Haired Wench would be like to reco'nize me in my present garb and way of life, even when she's sober.
: : As to (munch munch - - this surely is the finest fuuu-uuuuuuuuudge ye have ever PRO-duced, Miss Marcia. Just shove that plate a bit closer, so's I can reach the pieces on the far side, wouldye?) the days gone by, I do remember those fine romps with the Calm Bee Nation, but I more often raise a chuckle over the memory of Sheriff Twigg duellin' with Major Rentokil over your fair self. What would the clumsy stick have done without the intervention of good ol' Sassy? By the way, have ye seen aught o' Bent lately? Seems as if yer romance has cooled somewhat, or I'm missin' my guess. Don't mean to pry, though, if it's a subject that distresses yer tender sensibilities.
: : The Red-Headed Terror
: : (aka She Who Tracks La Longue Carabine)
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: Why, She!! What on earth are y'all talkin' about? My romance with Benton (Just Call Me Bent) Twigg COOL?? Oh, goodness, Dearie! Not at all, not at all. It's just a little experiment on my part. You see, I was down to the Happy Huron Hair Salon last week to get my usual Soapwort Herbal Shampoo and Lavender Scented Curdled Creme Rinse, when I happened to spy the latest issue of Cosmo PollyTown magazine. Why, y'all probably don't know this, She, bein' a person of the wilderness and generally shunnin' things of a more femiNINE nature, but most of us gals around the community here just purely LOVE to check out that magazine. It has the most fascinating articles on everything from "How To Cook a Seven Course Meal Using Only One Cauldron, A Pointy Stick, And An Armadillo Shell," to "Your Longue Carabine: Is That Extra Length Really Worth It?" My, one really does learn the MOST extraordinary things from Cosmo PollyTown magazine! But, I digress. Y'all pardon me while I take another sip of this fine brandy & snap up another piece of this here fuuu-uuuudge, and I'll edify you a bit more.
: See, as I was waiting for my BearGrease Heat Treatment to soften my natural curls, I picked up the latest issue, as I said, and lo and behold, there was a very interesting little test sandwiched right between an article on "Men Who Wear Leather Stockings On Their Heads & The Women Who Help Them Fasten Them," and the monthly Gourmet Section (of GREAT interest to yours truly) featuring a full color spread called, "Mudfish Roe: Stewed, Braised or Broiled, It Will Give Your Man The Strength To Do What's Got To Be Done!"
: Pardon me, She...*slurp, slurp*...lawsy, that fuu-uuudge does make one thirsty, doesn't it?...*sluuuuuuuuurrrrrp!*
: So, what was I saying? Oh, yes. The test. It just leapt off the page at me, bein' titled "Does Your Frontier Man Measure Up?" I simply HAD to take the test, and I found out, according to Cosmo PollyTown which is hardly EVER wrong on ANY subject, that my Benton has been taking me for GRANTED. Yes! It's true. He always expects me to be here in my Famous DownHome Kitchen, cookin' up fuu-uuuudge, or grits & grease du jour, or my special George RoadKill Possum. It never occurs to that man that I might have NEEDS of my own, and interests OUTSIDE the home! After I took this test, I realized that I have LOTS & LOTS of needs. Why, I 'spect I'm just about the neediest woman in these parts!
: So the upshot of it all was, I decided it was time to play it cool (a bit of new slang I read in the magazine, btw) with my Benton. It won't do him no harm a'tall to think I've got a social agenda of my own, which might not always include him, if you get my drift. So, you see, Dear She, that's all it is...why I'm sure that my Benton is just as enamored of me (and my vittles) as he ever was, but I'm just gonna play a mite hard to get for awhile. According to Cosmo PollyTown, it's called "the law of supply and demand." The scarcer something is, the more valuable (and therefore, desirable) it becomes. Now doesn't that make sense, She? She?? What do you mean I lost you clear back with the men who wear leatherstockings on their heads??????
: Oh, well, never mind, Dearie...just have some more of this hear brandy, tell me more of your winter adventchas, and have another piece of fuu-uuuuudge!
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Well, now, wait a minute here, Miss Marcia. Ye been ramblin' on about various o' things so fast I have not had a chance to get my thoughts together on any one o' them. Yes indeed, I did get stopped on the Men Who Wear Leatherstockings on Their Heads, and I been tryin' to figgur it out, since I never saw one o' those creatur's in all my born days. My question is -- then what do they wear on the rest o' their bodies?
I surely would like to know what is in the rest of those Cosmo PollyTown magazines, though as you know, I did not misspend my youth at the knees of women learnin' the meanin' o' little black marks, so I'm afeard the writin' would be wasted on me. Howsever, I am good at understandin' pictur's if they tell the story as well as the words.
I do think ye might could give yer approach to Bent another look-see afore ye go doin' yerself some hurt. Word has it among the officers at the fort that Bent has taken up with some thin-as-a-rail young woman who comes around on a circuit modellin' fancy and curve-definin' garments. I understand she goes by the name o' Twiggy and from what I hear, she would not be averse to bein' billed as Twiggy Twigg. O' course, how Bent feels about such a move is more than I can say, not havin' discussed it with him direct-like, but mebbe ye should extend a bit of a peace sign, short o' talkin' to the young woman herself, which ye may do without undue inconvenience, seein' as she's agoing to be joinin' me at my cabin tomorrow evenin' for a small repast of stewed ven'son in an effort to acclimate herself to pioneer tastes. She seems eager to learn the ways of the frontier, sartain, though I'm not sure why.
It's been most kind o' ye to provide all this grand fuuuuu-uuudge and brandy and whatnot, and I must say, it has been fine talkin' over old times. I must be gettin' on back to the cabin now, since Hector's awaitin' for his dinner. Thank ye kiindly for yer hospitality.
She Who Tracks La Longue Carabine