Posted by Miss Marcia on February 02, 1999 at 13:06:08:
A word to the wise for all you Mohicanlanders: Miss Sassy's being a bit weirder than usual today...watch your step! Early this morning, as I was out collecting eggs from the chicken coop, and getting ready to milk Ol' Bessie, I spotted Sassy out in the back forty, scurrying around & snatchin' up stuff from here and there. I wandered on over to see what was up, and found that she had a big basket sittin' on the rear of her Purple Paisley Magic Carpet, which she was rapidly filling up with an odd assortment of items...a snippet of wolf's bane, a slimy looking newt, a few irate toads, some tansy leaves, and some pretty evil looking spiders, to name a few.
"Sassy," says I, "what the heck are you up to NOW?"
Cackling wildly to herself, she replied, "Come on by my house in about an hour and see for YOURSELF!"
So I did. I dropped by her house an hour later, and after receiving no answer when I pounded on the front door, I let myself in. There were some pretty awful smells comin' out of what passes for Sassy's kitchen, and some really fearsome noises, as well...so I peeked in quietly, just in case something real bad was afoot. I espied Sassy, a-sweatin' and a-fumin', dressed in her best spell-inducing finery, hunched over her big, black kettle, stirring wildly at the disgusting looking and ghastly smelling concoction within.
Muttering to herself about evil visitors and spiteful intruders in Mohicanland, she was obviously working on a Spell, with a capital "S!" She began to hum quietly to herself, and as I strained my ears to catch the tune, I realized she was humming that sweet old favorite,"I Wish You Love." "Well!" thinks I. "This is a most odd song to be humming whilst mixing up a spell, and muttering angry incantations to oneself!" Suddenly, Sassy straightened up & made a magic sign over her cookpot, yelled out "A plague on thee, ye evil-minded varmint!" and burst out with the following:
"I wish you locusts in the spring,
A plague of toads to add some zing,
And there's one other little thing�
I wish you boils!
And in July, some irksome pain,
And days and days of horrid rain,
And let me make this very plain,
I wish you boils!
My bubbling pot and I agree,
These awful things you soon will see,
So with this curse...it could be worse!...
I'll let you be!
I wish you fungus on your nose,
A big ol' wart that grows and grows,
And in a place that really shows...
I wish you boils!"
You can bet I lit out of there like a cat on fire! I know Sassy was aimin' this curse at some folks who don't belong in Mohicanland, but I got worried a little might slop over on ME, if you get my drift! A lady running a popular eatery don't need no steenking warts, fungi, or boils, that's fer sure...though I AM starting to like those fried locusts!
Anyways, this here's just to let you know you might steer clear of Sassy for two days an' a bit, until she calms back down. And if you happen to run into any remaining intruders in Mohicanland, tell 'em they'd best tread lightly!
Yours Most Graciously,
Miss Marcia
Motto: Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid!