The End of the World!

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Posted by Sissy Doomsayer on January 10, 1999 at 12:41:40:

Hello, hello...attention Mohicanlanders, it is I, Sissy Doomsayer, Sassy's Sad anyone there? I usually keep to my dark room, where I spend my time muttering & moaning to myself over the price of tea in China, the state of the economy, the lapse of good taste everywhere, and the miserable condition of the world at large. But once in awhile I am compelled to venture forth, shrieking my tales of gloom and doom at the rooftops, and hurling my predictions of death and destruction at any old wattle hut nearby. Such is my mood today!

It's all coming apart, you know...first She-Who-Tracks vanishes into the trackless forest, then Sheriff Benton (just call me Bent) Twigg wanders away, leaving poor Miss Marcia to disappear by her lonesome lone, as well. (I'm afraid they will never be seen alive and well again. Probably perished of starvation in the woods somewhere, alone and afraid, each and ev'ry one of them!) Then Ye Olde Town Crier quits crying, and the various traders aren't trading, and Bumppo's Tavern has a clearance sale on Old Frothingslosh (the pale, stale ale with the foam on the bottom, brewed from the murky waters of the Upper Crudney River)due to no one showing up at the tavern to drink the stuff! And then, when things look their bleakest, up pops some smarty pants Efficiency Expert trying to tell us how best to spend our time. It's all going to Hell in a handbasket, I tell you! The world as we know it is coming to an end!! The sky is falling!! Ack!! Urk!! WE'RE ALL DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!

Run for cover, ye who are left!! Run far, run fast!! It's your last chance!!

Glumly Yours,
Sissy Doomsayer
Motto: It's always darkest....period.

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