Posted by Doctor Mary on January 12, 1999 at 12:02:28:
In Reply to: Prim and Proper ... Our School Of Thought posted by Miss Proper on January 12, 1999 at 11:32:42:
: :
: : : : Mohicanlanders,
: : : : I am really worried about Davenie. We haven't heard from her in a long time. I fear that heartless Scot may have absconded (or something worse) with her. Poor dear! I pray it isn't so. I think we should organize a search party.
: : : Dear Miss Prim,
: : : I fear you may be right about poor Davenie! One never knows what to expect from a heartless Scot. The curious thing is that poor Davenie seems to have disappeared about the same time as She-Who-Tracks, Sheriff Bent Twigg, and various other Mohicanlanders. Could this be more than a lost tracker in the forest? Could this be a widespread plot to disrupt and destroy all that is good and decent in Mohicanland? Perhaps we should call out the Militia?!
: : : Sincerely,
: : : Miss Proper
: : : PS Are our arrangements to establish a prim & proper boarding school for wayward lasses still in the cards?
: : My Dear Miss Proper,
: : I am resolutely in favor of persevering with our plans for a school for wayward young ladies of whom there are many in this colony. I do wonder if we will have much success. There are far too many tall, handsome, half-(I blush to say the word) naked men and heartless Scots running around these woods. Is it any use at all to teach our willful young ladies reading, writing and arithmetic? What are your thought on the curriculum, my dear?
: : Have you any word of Davenie? Poor child, I do so hope she does not become our first charge.
: : Most Sincerely,
: : Miss Prim
: Dearest Miss Prim,
: Thank you for graciously alleviating my concerns regarding the Prim & Proper School For Wayward Young Ladies. There is, I fear, both good news and bad.
: The good news is that Doctor Mary's former patient and confidante, the neurotic spinster Miss Anne T., bequeathed to the Doctor a sizeable sum of money. 600 Pounds, to be sure! The gentle, loving Doctor Mary has in turn offered to donate 200 Pounds to our School! She said something about "guilt money", but, alas, I don't understand the reference. Nonetheless, My Dear Miss Prim, we're in the money.
: The bad news? I remain apprehensive as to whether or not our Three R's will remedy the rampant and shameless indifference to morality that we've witnessed in our beloved colony. I propose a restructuring of our original curriculum to include a greater emphasis on the dangers of sin and half- n**ed men. I do believe we ought to add French, Silk Embroidery, and Fear to the girls' lessons. Perhaps our young ladies will better appreciate these half-n**ed men for what they are if we properly cultivate and arm them with adequate defenses.
: As for Poor Davenie, I fear she shall indeed become our first and foremost charge. I've received a disturbing dispatch from her Aunt Sassy. We'll discuss the particulars later.
: With warm regards,
: Miss Proper
Oh my dears, I'm so terribly sorry to tell you I really really
meant to contribute that 200 pounds, but last night was Ladies
Night at Fort Edward and I'm afraid I stuffed it down the
loincloth of one of the Lock and Load dancers. It must have
been those tequila shooters -- not to mention the great gluteal
maximi of the third guy from the end -- that made me surrender
my judgement. You'll have to excuse me, but Dr. Mary must go
lie down and put cold camomile tea bags on her eyes.
Kiss! Kiss!
Doctor M