Posted by Sassy Soothsayer on January 12, 1999 at 22:37:15:
In Reply to: Rum-inations posted by Jeroboam Jones on January 12, 1999 at 19:32:24:
: Hit's me, Jeroboam. Thank you kindly fer stoppin' by with yer libations. Miz Crone, she's awful tight with vittles an' such. This were a real treat! Yer a good woman, ma'am--and a handsome one.
Why, thankee kindly, Mr. Jones. And you're very welcome for the hot buttered rum. I hope it warmed you down to your toes (them as wasn't froze off the night before)!
: I hear talk that yer man flew the coop.
You have apparently been misinformed, Mr. Jones. I haven't been keeping company with anyone of late. Been waiting for just the right type of feller to come along. Maybe you have me confused with my sister, Miss Marcia, of Miss Marcia's DownHome Kitchen fame. She was keeping company with Sheriff Bent Twigg, and there are those who think he left town without her recently. But those folk are in for a BIG surprise, let me tell you. Bent & Miss Marcia are doing just fine, as will soon become apparent.
:A lone woman in this wild country ain't safe. Lookit what happened to that Miz Davenie. Heered she took up with some half n***d Scot or somebody. Thass no good.
Hmmmm...I've done pretty well as a "lone woman" so far, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be interested if the right gentleman came along. As for Miz Davenie, don't you go believin' everything you hear, now. That'll get you in a lot more trouble than a whole GALLON of Miss Marcia's best buttered rum!
: Miz Sassy, I'd be pleased if you'd let me keep company with you. I ain't aimin' to make any brags, but I'm strong an' able. I c'n plow an' plant good an' hunt an' I'll be shut o' Miz Crone in five years. Sick o' polishing her jewelry an' silver anyhow.
Well, now...I can't say I wouldn't enjoy a bit of male companionship now and then, but the man who wants to keep company with me has to be of a very special type. Strong and able are good starters, and I wouldn't be averse to a man who could put some venison on the table & grow a few taters to have along with it, either. But there are other considerations...how do you feel about flying? Ol' Purple is strictly a one-seater, but I have a nice oriental hall runner that would make a lovely flying carpet built for two. My evenings are frequently spent zipping low over the rooftops of Mohicanland, keeping an eye on the goings on, and figuring out who needs what potion for which spell. Do you think you have the stomach for it?
Do you have any connection with spirits of the dear departed? Can you read tarot cards or cast runes? Would you have any objections to keeping company with a gal who stays out late & often gets emergency calls for readings in the wee, small hours of the morning? Exactly what is your position on women having careers? And just how much jewelry and silver is the Old Crone hiding in that wattle hut, anyway?
: Miz Sassy, you an' yer carpet are welcome on my floor anytime.
Ahem...I hate to burst your bubble, dear Mr. Jones, but neither my carpet nor I spend much time on ANY floor! I will assume you were merely making a joke and meant no offense with that remark.
: P.S. But nex' time, ma'am, please leave yer bullfrog in the swamp. It like to kep' me up all night with its croakin'. I was so tard I fell asleep durin' chores an' Miz Crone whaled the lights outta me.
Not to worry. I've chased that ol' bullfrog over to Miss Marcia's pond, where she keeps a passel of 'em around for frying up the occasional pan o' froglegs. Seems a mite wasteful to me, what with the whole rest of the frog left over, an' all, but she swears she gives them each an aspirin and a pat on the head, and wheels them on over to the Amphibian Rehab Center, where they learn to lead full and productive froggy lives, legs or no, until they croak.
Now back to the subject at hand...to keep or not to keep company. I reckon a lot depends on your answers to the above questions, Sir. Think them over carefully, and perhaps we will discuss this a bit further.
Sassy Soothsayer a/k/a Mme. Claire Voyant
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