Re: Potions an' Things an'Saturday Night, Tea

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Posted by Jeroboam Jones on January 16, 1999 at 10:14:44:

In Reply to: Re: Potions an' Things posted by The Sassy Soothsayer on January 15, 1999 at 20:40:38:

: Jereboam Jones wrote:

: : Bin studyin' on those questions you ask'd. Sure ask some strange things, ma'am.

: I never claimed to be the girl next door, ya know!

: : Flyin'? Closest I ever come to flyin' was divin' out a window when the magistrate caught me with his wife. Don't know about tarot cards or runes. (I c'n read tea leaves.) An' I don't have nothin' to do with spirits,'ceptin' the kind you drink--like that fine rum o' yers, Miz Sassy.

: Hmmm...well, if you were messin' with the magistrate's wife, I reckon you've got a strong enough stomach for flyin'...I've seen her in the daylight, and it ain't a purty sight. I can handle the tarot cards & runes myself, if you can read tea leaves when things get busy. And a drinkin' partner ain't all bad. Maybe we COULD come to some sort of agreement.

: : But I like spendin' time with women who stay out late. Knew lotsa those career women in London who made calls in the wee hours. We didn't read, though.

: Now lissen, you! There's careers, and then there's CAREERS...Miss Sassy may be a tad unorthodox, but she's STILL a lady, for all o' that! Don't you be expecting any hanky-panky from least not straight away, that is! I'm a ree-fined kinda soothsayer, genteel and like that. I don't cuss an' I don't chew an' I don't run (or fly) with them that do!!

: : Potions an'such...well, I came make a right fine decoction for a horse with nightmares, a paste fer warts, an' I know a potion for the gleet, which, considerin' the morals o' these young ladies in the village, mought come in handy.

: I can take care of all the potions I need, I suspect, though I confess I've never had to treat a horse with nightmares. Goodwife Brown's old red sow got the hives once, but just as I was about to use my best Hog Balm on her, Goodman Brown got a hankerin for ham, and it became a none-issue, so to speak.

: : An', Miz Sassy, if you an' yer carpet'd like to set down at my place Saturday night, I have some tested an' true love bath herbs.

: Well, now, it just so happens that I have some free time come Saturday night, and I'd not be adverse to spending a bit of it in your company, you being such a stalwart feller an' all...but I ain't fixin' to test out any dadblamed BATH herbs with ye! I told you already, I'm a LADY, and ladies NEVER bathe on the first date! What in the world are you thinking?? I MIGHT allow you to brew up a pot of herbal TEA, if you conduct yourself in a gentlemanly manner. Then we can have a nice, thoughtful discussion on issues of importance in our community. How's that sound?

: : P.S. Ma'am, have you bin givin' potions to Miz Crone? She give me some awful tea t'other night. I fed it to my tomcat. It took off with a yowl an' terrorized the lady cats fer two days.

: My goodness, how strange! I have absolutely no knowledge of any potions that Ol' Crone might have gotten her hands on. No, it didn't come from me. Uh-uh. Nope. I know nothing about it. Not a thing. Nada. Zip.

: I will await further word from you as to having some tea Saturday evening. (BTW, if the weather is cool...say anything below 90 degrees or so...a jot of hot buttered rum would be an appropriate substitute for the tea!)

: Yours Enchantingly,
: The Sassy Soothsayer a/k/a Mme. Claire Voyant
: Motto: Drink 'Em if Ya Gottem!

Miz Sassy,

Lookin' forrad to seein' you this evenin'. Didn't mean no disrespect, ma'am, with what I said. Kind of a rough feller, I am. Get carried away sometimes. Not easy fer a man livin' alone, needin' the comfort and care of a good woman...

Bin plannin' fer tonight. Got me in some bull's balls an' sheep trotters (thass fer me) an' some oysters, dates an' honey fer you. (hee, hee!) Also got some ginger an' mandrake tea from the Afrikany woman at Mr. Phelps' place. She guarantees an excitin' evenin'...ummm, a pleasant evenin', I mean. Kin tell yer fortune then. (hee, hee!)

Some o' that rum 'll go down good, too.

'Till tonight...

Yer everlovin'


P.S. I hope, ma'am, that you plan to take a bath fer yer first date.

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