An Apology to She-Who-Tracks!

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Posted by The Sassy Soothsayer on January 16, 1999 at 10:15:52:

Good Saturn's Day Mornin' to All in Mohicanland!

Miss Sassy would like to start the day off by offering a heartfelt apology to all who read her last post concerning She-Who-Tracks, and to She, herself. It would seem Miss Sassy forgot one of Life's cardinal rules, namely, NEVER TRUST a SWEATY, PANTING MAN, even if he DOES claim to be a courier with an important news flash! After receiving my letter from She-Who-Tracks, accompanied by said so-called "courier's" colorful descriptions of what She was up to, I decided to make contact with She, myself...just to see if I could save her from this folly she was indulging in, you understand. (I, of course, had NO interest whatsoever in finding out more about this here "fumo loco" stuff the courier was blathering on about! No, indeed! Get that idea RIGHT out of your heads!)

Anyhoooo....I sat down last night...I'll spare you the technical details of my trade, here...and went into a trance to contact She-Who-Tracks, myself. *click, snap, whirrr...Our Minds Meet!*
"She," says I, "what's this here nonsense I've been told about you chewing and smoking and communing with ladybugs whilst trying to 'find yourself' when you wasn't even lost to begin with??" Well, Folks, did I ever get an earful...I mean a headful! She-Who-Tracks let me know in no uncertain terms that her life was patterned after that there Long Carabine person she's spent so many years tracking, and that meant She was a woman trying to lead a "just and fearless life, remarkable for temperance & activity" and "with few of the failings and none of the vices" of civilized society.

"Hmmmm..." says I, "Does this mean you have nothing called fumo loco you want to share with a fellow Seeker on the Journey of Life?"

"Fiend," she shrieked! (And let me tell you, when someone who's conversing with you INSIDE of your head shrieks, you KNOW it!) "I TOLD you I was living FREE of vice!"

"Well, what about all the smoke the Courier says he saw," asks I.

"Steam," replies She. "I was using my new bamboo steamer to prepare a light lunch of fresh woodland greenery, to help purify my system. Not smoke at all!"

"And the peyote?" queries I.

"Ginger root and other herbs to flavor my steamed greenery, of course," responds She.

"Well, what about your relationship with the ladybug?" challenges I.

"Strictly that of a Seeker of Knowledge learning to observe the ways of Nature," She replies with a tranquil, knowing smile.

"You mean the Courier was all wet?" I asked.
"Soaking!" She stated.

And there you have it, Mohicanlanders. While She-Who-Tracks DID admit she was busy "finding herself" as stated in her letter to me, she firmly and stoutly denies any other foolishness, as reported by that fine specimen...I mean, that miserable wretch...of a courier who showed up yesterday. I don't know what his motives were, other than to slander She's good name, but please disregard yesterday's entire story of vision-inducing drugs.

I mentally unsnapped my mind from She-Who-Tracks & came drifting back into Mohicanland, with my last view of She being one of her perched on her rock, smiling serenely and singing an odd tune softly to herself..."One pill makes you larger, and the other makes you small...and the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all...go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall..." Never heard that one before. Must be some tribal chant from the western forests or plans.

So, again, I apologize for any aspersions my erroneous report may have cast upon She's impeccable and vice-free reputation. Let us hope that She-Who-Tracks will soon come upon the tracks of She-Who-Tracks, and thus, tracking the tracker, She will find herself & come home to us, where She belongs!

Yours Enchantingly,
The Sassy Soothsayer a/k/a Mme. Claire Voyant
Motto: Make Love Not War! Peace, Man!

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