Message to Simon Girty, Again

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Posted by Miss Marcia on January 22, 1999 at 23:00:41:

Dear Mr. Girty,

I do appreciate your help in finding that misplaced doofus, Dweebie Day-Lewis. I fully understand that you cannot guarantee his safety, especially if your Shawnee brothers run across him first.

Your terms are agreeable to me. I will gladly keep you up to your eyeballs in roast possum, and can easily clear a space for you in the corn crib. I have an extra blanket or two I'll leave there for your use, along with a bar of Grandma's Lye Soap, should you feel a desire to freshen up a bit. (There's a pump right outside, and the water isn't completely frozen yet...very invigorating!)

As for a reward from Sheriff Twigg, it is entirely possible. For some reason, Dear Benton seems to have a fondness for his nerdy nephew. I believe I can safely say that I have some influence on Benton, too, and I shall broach the subject of a reward for Dweeb's safe return. If he agrees, we will hang it in the possum tree for you, upon delivery of said Dweebster.

You said in your last message, and I quote: "Oh no! If my Shawnee brothers find him first & he starts coughing and
wheezing on them, they most assuredly will lift his scalp!" ...This seems a bit drastic for an asthma cure, but perhaps your Shawnee brothers know something I don't. Once lifted, if his wheezing stops, can the aforementioned scalp be plopped back down? And then, should he have subsequent attacks when he comes back to Mohicanland, do we simply lift the scalp again? Does this ventilate his sinuses? Or is it strictly a shock technique?

As for wanting anything more from Miss Marcia than possum and pallet, a wise woman once said, "Be careful what you ask just might get it." Let that be warning enough.

I'm so glad you understand the need for discretion, Mr. Girty. No point in stirring up extra problems for either of us, is there? I have a budding relationship with the good sheriff to think about, and I understand that there's a MRS. Renegade waitin' somewhere for you, as well. Though our dealings are strictly business, no need to take any chances with other complications, eh?

And thank you so much for the delicious sounding recipe for fried locusts. I can hardly wait to try them out, and you may rest assured I will soon be serving them at my DownHome Kitchen. They will make a lovely addition to my Cajun Squirrel Fritter platter.

I'll be waiting to hear any news of Dweebie that you may uncover. Your possum is strung up and waitin' for you!

Yours Most Graciously,
Miss Marcia

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