Posted by Sassy Soothsayer on April 21, 1999 at 22:41:33:
Boy, oh boy! Swung by Miss Marcia's DownHome Kitchen for lunch today, and found...nuthin cookin'!! According to the disgruntled regular patrons of her establishment, Miss Marcia hasn't been seen hide nor hair of since she heard that rumor about her Sweetie Pie, Bent Twigg, slippin' around Poor Pitiful Pining Pilgrim Penny's Place. I told her yestiddy that I'd get her a poupee from that Mme. Adrienne, and some sharp pointy pins from Miss Katie O' Arboath, and a spell from Yours Truly so that she could make Benton see the error of his ways...but I reckon the very thought that her Gentleman Caller could be up to no good has given Miss Marcia the vapors! You know those Southern Belles are such delicate creatures, an' all!
Anyways, after not finding Miss Marcia at home over the lunch hour, I thought I should check again tonight, just to be sure she's not come to any harm, doncha know. Well! I revved up Ol' Purple, my trusty purple paisley carpet, and flew by her kitchen again, and it was dark as night, with nary a delicious odor wafting out the window! Just as I was beginning to get really worried, I heard a MOST mournful and woebegone sound coming from the north forty. I made a quick loop around the pasture until I tracked down Miss Marcia, meanderin' along in the moonlight. She was a-moanin' and a-weepin' and a-shakin' her tiny, lily white fist at the sky. She was a-cryin' and a-wailin' and a-stompin' her itty-bitty feet on the ground. Just when I thought she had sunk as low as she could go...she sunk LOWER! She flang herself down on the grass and proceeded to sing the BLUES at the top of her considerable lungs:
"The road is rougher,
It's lonelier and tougher,
The wind is colder,
And suddenly I'm older,
There's just no let-up the live-long night or daaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaay!
Ever since this wor-rrrrld began,
There is nuthin' sadder than...
A one-man woman,
Lookin' for the Man that got awaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy!!!"
Well, I can tell you, I skedaddled out of there faster than you can say A Star Is Born, and never looked back! It was a sight I wouldn't want to see twice't in one lifetime, for sure!
Bent Twigg, you got a whole LOT to answer for!! Been feelin' any unusual stabbing pains lately?? Seen any new warts poppin' up in places they ain't been before? Headaches, arthritis, neuralgia? It's only gonna get worse before it gets better, ya know!
Yours Enchantingly and Bewitchingly,
Motto: Handsome is as Handsome does, and you ain't lookin' any too good lately, if you get my drift!
Post a Followup