Posted by Embarrassed Gnome on September 24, 1999 at 18:34:38:
In Reply to: Re: Grousings & Mutterings from the INDOOR Hickory Perch posted by Miss Gaylee Cooper on September 24, 1999 at 18:02:19:
: : Hey Bird! What is it with you? What is this "grousings" and mutterings stuff? Can't you make up your mind about what kinda bird you are? Be you parrot, grouse, green chicken or as I prefer to think of you - Gnome turkey?
: : Your feathers appear to be ruffled a bit. Gee, I am sorry for that. Here, let me help groom you a bit and soothe those ruffled feathers....and perhaps give you a pin-feather trim as they seem a bit longish (hehe).
: : If a Gnome had a mind to, by the way, no cage would provide you any real protection ya know. It is an illusion of safety. In fact, might be a dang good idea! That-a-way there is no danger from that enormously wicked beak of yours while we lower cage and all into the boiling cauldron. Oh my how kind of your Person to provide a lovely device with which to easily par-boil you and lift you from the roiling waters afterward.
: : I did like your song though Basil *dancing a happy Gnome dance with his pot in hand - humming along with tune*
: : I seem to remember that song dimly from the days when gnomes wore bell bottomed lederhosen.
: : Anticipatory Gnome
: My Dear Delightful Gnome -
: You are displaying a genius for creative cookery! Absolutely a GENIUS! Unfortunately, I do not have a cauldron large enough to accomodate the cage as well as the green chicken,and neither of us is big enough to lower the cage in and out if I had one. So perhaps we should consider another method of bird boiling.
: In addition, I think Miss Polly Anna suspects something. As you are well aware by now, she did not meet me at the chestnut grove this afternoon. Possibly it is taking her longer to carve the chicken-knapper proof cage than she had anticipated. Why don't you just pull on your little bell-bottom lederhosen and yodel your way over there to peer in her parlor window and see what she is doing with Basil? It's nearly dark, and you can slither around the house behind the bushes without being seen, as long as you are sly about it. Let me know what you find.
: Miss Gaylee Cooper
Well I did as you suggested (without putting on those silly bell bottomed lederhosen - I am a stylish gnome thank you veddy much)
and I regret that I did.
First of all, while crawling around back there I got myself into some thistles. Now, I itch all over. Especially the knees and hands.
And, this being the 1700's in Mohicanland and LOTS of horses about, you just don't know what you might be crawling through when it is dark until it is too late. Talk about STINK!
So I figured to crawl only where there were bushes as likely horses would stick to open spaces....and what should I come face to face with but that missing, big, HUGE, BAD TEMPERED pussycat.
Dogs have their way of marking and defending territory, but cats have their own way. Now I seem to have four furrows on each cheek from that dang kitty's claws. You never saw speed until you have seen a gnome crawl backwards stern first. To paraphrase a certain ratty looking TV personality dog, "I theenk you are going to need a bigger net!"
And finally, when I did get up to the dang window, I had rather wished I were blind. There was Polly Anna in her altogether, and only Old Crone would be a more horrible sight in that condition.
And more than that.....now I know why she keeps that parrot around...it does more than talk. Oh the shame of it. It was biblical in its forbidenness.
I love a good meal, Miss GC, but next time you want a recon done you are gonna have to find another gnome to do it. This ain't worth it. And after seeing what I have seen, aint no way I am gonna eat THAT particular bird.
Oh my. Were I had been struck blind instead.
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