Re: Black Elk ... Part 2 and Marsha's Ad....& Moving, Pumpkin Fairies, Spellings & North Carolina

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Posted by Gnome Carabine on October 28, 1999 at 13:25:57:

In Reply to: Re: Black Elk ... Part 2 and Marsha's Ad....& Moving, Pumpkin Fairies, Spellings & North Carolina posted by Doc M on October 28, 1999 at 12:12:16:

: : : Welcome back, MMMM! If you need some sort of in-depth
: : : psychological counseling to help you face your household
: : : chores, I'm running a Fall Special on my latest series
: : : of tapes -- "Never Clean...Just Move!!" and "Voodoo Spells
: : : To Turn Your Husband Into A Cleaning Zombie!" I'm sure
: : : you'll be hearing from the wee Gnome Carabine before
: : : too long. He seems to be pretty jumpy these days, for
: : : some unknown reason!

: : : Doc M

: : Dear Doc M,
: : I used your first tapes for years, and I highly recommend them. However, I finally landed in a place I like and don't plan to move again. May I order your second tape set? BTW, I'd like to recommend the book "Dust Ain't a Problem Less'n You Get It Wet." I've been using that one in recent years and find it works quite well.
: : Chris

: Why Chris, it would be my pleasure to fill your order ASAP!
: Tell me, is your husband a Brained or NonBrained model?
: It makes a difference in the spell wording. I know, I know...
: it's so hard to tell sometimes. When you move his dinner
: plate to the right about six inches, do his eyes follow
: it? Let me know one way or the other, and I'll send out
: a courier with your order form. You'll be pleased to
: know I am now working on my newest tape -- "Doctor Mary's
: Woodland Cleaning Secrets...How To Make Use Of All Our
: Little Forest Friends!" Did you know that the beard of
: a stuffed and dried gnome makes an excellent dust mop?

: Kiss! Kiss!

: Doc M

Okay Doc of M (as in masochism),

What's this garbage I hear about you bearding a gnome in his den?
How many times do we have to go through this? Gnomes are NOT Christmas ornaments, lawn decorations, puppets on a stick, snacks on a stick, dustmops, or any other perverted use you may think of. We are kindly, industrious, wee little folk who enjoy helping humankind. You, you looney tunes quack, would be defined as human-unkind.

No back off afore I reaquaint you with the broom....shoving it where the witch don't ride so to speak.

Gnome Carabine

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