Re: Doctor Mary's Unfortunately Short Film Career & Dummies of One Sort or Other

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Posted by Billygnome on November 30, 1999 at 19:43:32:

In Reply to: Re: Doctor Mary's Unfortunately Short Film Career & Dummies of One Sort or Other posted by Doc M on November 30, 1999 at 15:47:46:

: : : : Damn......damn! I thought that Man was mighty Easy, if you get my drift! And I wondered about that "stage hand" in the background who kept on whistlin' "If I Only Had a Brain!" But come to think on it a bit...that there straw-stuffed Patented Hawkeye Crash Test Dummy IS lifesized and bears a striking resemblance to a certain loin-clothed hero. perzackly would one go about ORDERING a PHCTD or two from you, Doctor M? Mayhap we can make a deal!

: : : : MMMM

: : : Doc M will be more than happy to work out a deal with you,
: : : MMMM. Please consider that each of the DMPHCTDs are hand-
: : : crafted, with loving attention to every teensie detail.
: : : For a small additional fee, extra stuffing can be placed
: : : in the loinclothal area if you should desire it. Right
: : : now there's a three-week backlog -- Doctor Mary outsources
: : : all this stuff, and she only has two full-time gnomes
: : : working on spinning the straw. BettyGnome is a most
: : : amenable worker, but her companion-gnome can be a little
: : : testy. Plus there's an old fat guy who lives way north
: : : of here, and he keeps trying to cut in on my action and
: : : hire them away from me this time of year. I'll send the
: : : courier over with the new catalog of Doctor M's Special
: : : Millenial Product Line, and you can make your selection.

: : : Kiss! Kiss!

: : : Doc M

: : Spin straw? Spin straw you say? *chuckling*. What kinda cloth would be made from straw I wonder....assuming you could spin it??
: : I wanna see the wheel that spins that straw there Doc!! Methinks you have been to Bumppo's again, haven't you? Admit it!

: : Now flax, that's another matter!! Nothing like a nice linen nightshirt tightly woven and cool to the skin.

: : And what is this testy stuff??????? ME testy? Nah. Never. Do you call me testy merely because I am organizing for the AFGL (American Federation of Gnome Labor)? You call me testy just cause I let a little air out of the tires of your car parked in that supervisory reserved space? I'm testy just because you find it hard to cross a line of 25cm rowdy, chanting gnomes while being pelted with mouse droppings and rotten mushrooms?

: : Billygnome

: I believe it was your great-great-grandfather Rumpelstiltskin
: that perfected that straw-spinning thang, Mr. Bill. And since
: when have you joined the AFGL? Did they throw you out of
: the CF of TWW? (The Colonial Federation of Teenie-Weenie Workers?)
: I have given my usual careful attention to your demands...
: *crumple! crumple! CLANG! Yay! Two points!* ...and have
: concluded you must have been smoking your mushrooms instead
: of throwing them. Didn't I give you two whole hours off
: on Christmas Day? Didn't I give you that microscopic pellet
: of coal to burn in the workroom during that blizzard? Didn't
: I allow your Gnomette to wear little woolly gloves so her
: wee fingers wouldn't freeze and hold up the assembly line?
: Take! Take! Take! Bah!! Humbug!!!

: Doc M

Well you're right in season there Dockie. Very Dickinsonian.
Nothing in your stocking THIS year dearie. Working the wee ones to death in the cold with barely a woolen mitten between them.
Wait until the fat one (er, I mean the Sainted One) up north hears about your treatment of wee gnomes, elfs and other vertically challenged but hard working fairies. And at THIS time of the year too! Humph. *raises his foot back thinking about kicking a few clods her way*.

Apparently you never got over that T-shirt we gave you at our last Gnome's night out at Bummpo's, eh? Took you all of a week to figure out why folks kept kicking you in your ample rump, didn't it, blindingly illuminated one that you are. *snickers*.

Oh, the life of a gnome is a busy one and a hard one, what with wicked Doctors chasing us every which way and trying to stomp us or enslave us. But there are some happy moments, such as seeing you with a fresh, damp clod of dirt covering your face (oops, that wasn't DIRT, was it? Sorry! BAD HORSEY. BAD HORSEY),
or running away amidst clouds of gnome dust, or feasting on those "raisin" cookies we left at your door! Oh, those are the GOOD times!


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