Posted by BillyGnome on February 16, 2000 at 21:45:43:
In Reply to: Re: The Truth Be Told! posted by English Trader on February 16, 2000 at 20:44:23:
Thank you kind trader! Thanky thanky thanky! I look forward to your practicing on the infamous Doc M. Fear not, though likely the rumors are true that she may not have much hair on her crown, and does cast a witchly, wizened, cackling appearance, I have been assured that you will find hair enough for a dandy scalp lock growing out of that wart on her chin!!!!
: To The Ubiquitous BillyGnome:
: My dear sir, I am so pleased you appreciate the picture of myself with the scalplock of none other than the FT, in his own homestead, I might add. But it is true, there was no blood, as you will see from the knife. Therefore, I did a poor job of it. I will practice before G2K, which will be when I am able to complete the job, I trust.
: And practice I shall have. If you, kind sir, desire it, Doc Mary shall be my first victim. But is there hair enough? I have heard rumour that the Doc is bald and wizened in a witchly way, and her odd potions are akin to those of a witch! I should not hesitate to say that witchcraft of Doc Mary's kind is not to my liking!! But perhaps you can confirm these rumors?
: I remain, sir,
: English Trader
: : GUFFAW!!!! SNORT!!!! HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!
: : I LOVE IT!!! LOVE THAT PIC!
: : Now, my esteemed English Trader, having taken that pathetic pony tail, do you think you could do me a favor and scalp that danged Doc Mary right and proper??????
: : BillyGnome
: : : Open Letter to Mohicanlanders;
: : : My dear friends of MohicanLand:
: : : Do not, I implore you, be fooled by the French Trader. I escaped with my life because he, by foul means, jealous of the new hunting bag I fashioned myself, sought to rob me of my own goods. I escaped with my life and did serious damage to him -- assisting him in his progress toward age-related hair loss -- but barely. I meant to deal him a mortal blow but his skin is too thick for my knife and I was able to get only a scalp-lock, as you will see from the following link.
: : : He's NOT to be trusted. He tought be to make vent-picks, and jealous of my skills he turned against me, as he did while I worked on my hunting bag. He was meant to be a tutor but he was truly a traitor. He lives only because he is such a rascal!
: : : YMH&OS,
: : : English Trader
: : : : : : Mes amis,
: : : : : : (Holding cold rag to head) Did anyone get the number of the ox cart that ran over me? My fellow Mohicanites, especially Doc Mary, I would like to warn you all of an injustice played out upon me, the French Trader by no one other the the English trader herself. After being coaxed into a long three day meeting, I fear that I am the victim of foul play and trickery. It all started with a three day meeting planned by the ET no less, and I awake from a forced slumber with many of my ideas, trade goods and even a length of my hair, MISSING!!!!
: : : : : : Of course ET is long gone and no where in site. All I ask of mes
: : : : : : amis is that you keep an eye out for this scoundrel, report her where abouts and DO NOT buy any of her ill gotten goods. For many of them , I fear, are mine. (Especially a blonde ponytail)
: : : : : : Doc Mary, I think I am in need of your care to tend my wounds. I hear your home made Gnomebutter works very good at speeding recovery. Tell me, do you mash the fairy folk first or just drop them in whole before you spin them into this paste?
: : : : : : Ton ami,
: : : : : : French Trader (setting by the fire tending my cuts, bumps and bruises)
: : : : : My petit Frankish Froufrou, you just drag the bod over to
: : : : : kindly old Doc Mary, and she will be happy to fixee les
: : : : : booboos nastee pour vous, silver tray. Yes, yes, I know
: : : : : you're astonished by my lingual acumen...what can I say?
: : : : : Ees a gift. My supply of Gnome Butter is running low,
: : : : : as the nasty little ##$@@!!s seem to have headed west.
: : : : : I have sent a few of my Hurons after them, but so far
: : : : : they've brought me back a comb, a poem, and a brougham.
: : : : : They're lovely, eager, muscular fellows, but bless their
: : : : : hearts, they don't have enough brain power between 'em
: : : : : to work a 25 watt lightbulb. Luckily, I have a few little
: : : : : teeny arms and legs left, so into the old Cuisinart
: : : : : with them! I prefer not to mash the wee folk first, as
: : : : : it ruins that crunchy munchy texture. As my old Granny
: : : : : used to say, "If thee ye Gnomie mashe too well/ Surely
: : : : : ye potion goes to helle."
: : : : : Now as to your unfortunate premature hair loss, I just
: : : : : happen to have a lovely blonde scalp that was brought
: : : : : to me yesterday. Needs a little washie washie, I must
: : : : : say, but a little gel, a little poufing here and there --
: : : : : poifect!
: : : : : So come-ona my house, beeg boy. The perfidious ET will
: : : : : be paid back in coin he knows well, damme his eyes!
: : : : : Doc M
: : : : *******
: : : : Sweet and Lovely Doc M, (no matter what the fairy folk say)
: : : : I am, at this time, calling to my side, my own woodland brothers as they
: : : : will help me travel the distance needed to recive your personal care. I am in
: : : : too much of a weakened state to travel on my own. I will also have watch for
: : : : any "small people" along the way, to add to your concoction. Are there any
: : : : other woodland herbs that I may look for along the way that you may have need
: : : : of? For at this time I have found but one, hidden, bottle of wine that was
: : : : over looked by ET. I will bring in as payment for your medical services.
: : : : French Trader
: : : :
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