Posted by Doc M on March 01, 2000 at 12:31:44:
The Mohican Clinic For The Terminally Weird is offering a
special clearance sale of fall and winter Gnome-al items.
JERKY GNOME!! oops! I mean GNOME JERKY!! Made from
the most select cuts, seasoned and smoked in Doc M's
special smokehouse -- which also doubles as the Clinic
Sweat Lodge, so there's that unmistakable *Hint O' Huron*
in each piece! Great for snacking on the trail!
DOC M'S GNOME BUTTER UNDEREYE MOISTURIZER!!
Ladies, we all know how bending over a hot cauldron
all day long wreaks havoc on our delicate complexions.
A nightly ritual of applying Doc M's GBUEM will smooth
away all those unsightly crow's feet and undereye sags
and bags! Also good for greasing pancake griddles and
making red-eye gravy!
A UNIQUE SELECTION OF TINY CONICAL RED HATS!!
Great for newborns, changelings, and unfortunate pin-
headed individuals. (I don't know of any of the latter
residing in Mohicanland now, but they do drop in to
visit from time to time.)
DRIED AND STUFFED GARDEN GNOMES!!
Arranged in all sorts of comical poses! Fun fun fun
for all at Spring Planting Time!
PRICES NEGOTIABLE!! NO REASONABLE OFFER REFUSED!! SILVER,
WAMPUM, BRANDY, AND SWEATY LOINCLOTHS ACCEPTED!!
For those who have been asking, our supply of fresh-
caught Gnome Products will be back in stock shortly,
as soon as Doc M's Hurons can get back on the trail
to Oisconsin. They were waylaid in the quaint village
of Las Vegas, and seem to have been stripped of their
rifles, tomahawks, beads, leggings, and loincloths by
a war party of marauding savages -- at least I THINK
that's what they said.. they just kept saying "Bad 21!
Bad 21!" Those little scamps! Sometimes I think they
keep things from old Doctor Mary.
Kiss! Kiss!
Doc M