Re: Thanks Kate!

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Posted by Gnome Shop Steward on March 02, 2000 at 19:19:36:

In Reply to: Re: Thanks Kate! posted by Garden Supervisor on March 02, 2000 at 18:12:04:

: : : Hey, neat! I've never had one of them before!! Of course, I doubt if I will need it - insulting 'small' people is not what I do! Au contraire!! I EMPLOY a couple of 'little' people!!

: : : I have one who's job description involves holding a fishing rod and guarding my pond, by shooing low-flying cranes from stealing my fish. I have another who's remit includes using that shovel in his hand for gainful employment and the other, well, I haven't actually seen him DO anything! He stands under that mushroom at the bottom of the garden, with his hands in his pockets and seems to have a look of 'why work when you can watch OTHER GNOMES do it'. Well, I can see that we are quickly reaching the parting of the ways - he and I are going to fall out VERY soon! I will have NO slackers on MY team!!

: : : Any chance this card can be transferred and used to safeguard my 'rear' from this tiny little 'spiv', when I give him his UB40?

: : : I appreciate your thoughtful gift - may HE appreciate it also!!!

: : : Kate.

: : That last gnome - the one you slanderously call the "tiny little spiv" is a member in good standing of the UGWM (United Gnome Workers of Mohicanland) and as shop steward I advise you to treat him kindly else you could be witnessing a walkout of garden gnomes....just a kindly word to the wise doncha know. And yes,
: : we do take gratuities, gifts and bribes, thank you.

: : Guido Gnome

: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: Mr. G. Gnome,

: I don't know that I care for your tone, sir!

: According to the Terms of Contract, Section III, Clause A, I have every right to dismiss those gnomes who, having been given three chances to 'get their fingers out', have disregarded the Contractual Agreement. I assume having given a rather 'rude' sign with the digits of BOTH fingers, according to said Contract, means he disputes my legal right right to terminate his contract! But, MY lawyer says I can sack him!! :0P

: Therefore, any and all gnomes who wish to face disciplinary measures, through siding with their 'no leg to stand on' 'Brothers' may also find that their employment may be in jeopardy!! Just a word in your 'shell-like', mate! I would advise caution on the parts of the other workers, when considering taking up the spades and fishing rods of other workers!

: The jobs MUST go on! I may be forced to take on NEW employees! There IS a queue at the Job Centre, at this moment - indeed, as I speak!! I HAVE been to the local 'Garden Nursery' and I have seen SCORES of umemployed gnomes, standing about, wondering where their next wage envelope is coming from!! Workers, I CAN get!! Have I made the terms and conditions of employment in my garden, clear?!

: Proceeed with caution, Mr. Gnome!
: Garden Supervisor,
: Head of Garden Services.

Yeah? Well here's to YOU Mr supervisor! Okay fellas, put your toes inward and WE WALK! Gnomes on Strike! Gnomes on Strike!
If this twiddle thinks concrete gnomes found in any stupid nursery can do the job of REAL gnomes - well fine. Good luck.
We have tried to negotiate in good faith, but obviously this person has no idea as to the realities of employing gnomes. Heck, if we don't mature until 200 years, and live to be 450 years or so, what looks like inaction to HER is merely a Gnome Break - wink of the eye to a gnome. Humph. Ten of OUR minutes is one day to her, but guess she missed that in her contract book.

*singing as they leave* "And here's to YOU, Mr Supervisor.....Jesus loves you more than you can know. God rest you please, Mr Supervisor......the gnomes will work no more for you today....."

Guido Gnome

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