Re: Thanks Kate!

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Mohican WWWboard ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Garden Supervisor on March 02, 2000 at 20:48:38:

In Reply to: Re: Thanks Kate! posted by Gnome Shop Steward on March 02, 2000 at 19:19:36:

: : : : Hey, neat! I've never had one of them before!! Of course, I doubt if I will need it - insulting 'small' people is not what I do! Au contraire!! I EMPLOY a couple of 'little' people!!

: : : : I have one who's job description involves holding a fishing rod and guarding my pond, by shooing low-flying cranes from stealing my fish. I have another who's remit includes using that shovel in his hand for gainful employment and the other, well, I haven't actually seen him DO anything! He stands under that mushroom at the bottom of the garden, with his hands in his pockets and seems to have a look of 'why work when you can watch OTHER GNOMES do it'. Well, I can see that we are quickly reaching the parting of the ways - he and I are going to fall out VERY soon! I will have NO slackers on MY team!!

: : : : Any chance this card can be transferred and used to safeguard my 'rear' from this tiny little 'spiv', when I give him his UB40?

: : : : I appreciate your thoughtful gift - may HE appreciate it also!!!

: : : : Kate.

: : : That last gnome - the one you slanderously call the "tiny little spiv" is a member in good standing of the UGWM (United Gnome Workers of Mohicanland) and as shop steward I advise you to treat him kindly else you could be witnessing a walkout of garden gnomes....just a kindly word to the wise doncha know. And yes,
: : : we do take gratuities, gifts and bribes, thank you.

: : : Guido Gnome

: : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : Mr. G. Gnome,

: : I don't know that I care for your tone, sir!

: : According to the Terms of Contract, Section III, Clause A, I have every right to dismiss those gnomes who, having been given three chances to 'get their fingers out', have disregarded the Contractual Agreement. I assume having given a rather 'rude' sign with the digits of BOTH fingers, according to said Contract, means he disputes my legal right right to terminate his contract! But, MY lawyer says I can sack him!! :0P

: : Therefore, any and all gnomes who wish to face disciplinary measures, through siding with their 'no leg to stand on' 'Brothers' may also find that their employment may be in jeopardy!! Just a word in your 'shell-like', mate! I would advise caution on the parts of the other workers, when considering taking up the spades and fishing rods of other workers!

: : The jobs MUST go on! I may be forced to take on NEW employees! There IS a queue at the Job Centre, at this moment - indeed, as I speak!! I HAVE been to the local 'Garden Nursery' and I have seen SCORES of umemployed gnomes, standing about, wondering where their next wage envelope is coming from!! Workers, I CAN get!! Have I made the terms and conditions of employment in my garden, clear?!

: : Proceeed with caution, Mr. Gnome!
: : Garden Supervisor,
: : Head of Garden Services.

: Yeah? Well here's to YOU Mr supervisor! Okay fellas, put your toes inward and WE WALK! Gnomes on Strike! Gnomes on Strike!
: If this twiddle thinks concrete gnomes found in any stupid nursery can do the job of REAL gnomes - well fine. Good luck.
: We have tried to negotiate in good faith, but obviously this person has no idea as to the realities of employing gnomes. Heck, if we don't mature until 200 years, and live to be 450 years or so, what looks like inaction to HER is merely a Gnome Break - wink of the eye to a gnome. Humph. Ten of OUR minutes is one day to her, but guess she missed that in her contract book.

: *singing as they leave* "And here's to YOU, Mr Supervisor.....Jesus loves you more than you can know. God rest you please, Mr Supervisor......the gnomes will work no more for you today....."

: Guido Gnome


OK, you Commie Shop... (hey what kind of name is Guido, anyway!)

Let's look at things from MY point of view, as Keeper of the Garden, here.

Firstly, Farm Gnome - I hate to even THINK what he is doin' in that corner!! But from where *I'm* sittin', it don't look good!!

Garden Gnome: Yup, that looks like that 'spiv' troublemaker, alright! Hanging round like he has every right to just stand around admiring the garden! Hey! He gets paid to work! Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare ya', using that kind o' language.

Then there's that other guy, House Gnome - sneaking off the job, the minute his supervisor's back is turned! And thinks that kind of behaviour isn't noticed! Been there, done that! *I* know all the tricks!

Finally, if ever I had proof that my case for termination of contracts was justified, there's that Wood Gnome! His behaviour is just TYPICAL of workers these days! Sloping off, taking a mushroom here, a blueberry there, from his employers. Stealin' is stealin' pal!!

Hey! I KNEW hiring that crew was a mistake, right from the beginning! Trying to tell me they were nearly 350 years old! Did they think I came up in a banana boat?! And now you're trying to tell me that doing something HIGHLY suspicious in a corner, standing around doing nothing when he's paid to work, another sneaking off the job for a 'smoke O' and another nicking company property is supposed to inspire me to accede to your demands that I keep the 'spiv'? I think NOT!

And if I am forced to hire 'scab' labour, well, what can an honest employer do these days?! It seems your lot is headed out the door, pal!!

'heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to the Job Centre you go' tra la!

Garden Supervisor.

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup

Name    : 
E-Mail  : 
Subject : 
Comments: Optional Link URL: Link Title: Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Mohican WWWboard ] [ FAQ ]