Re: The Well Traveled Dinner

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Posted by Major Effingham on March 05, 2000 at 17:47:02:

In Reply to: Re: The Well Traveled Dinner posted by Birdie T. Bird on March 05, 2000 at 14:20:09:

: : Good evening, Miss Marcia. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Major Effingham of The 60th Regiment of Royal Americans. And these are three of my most able captains. (bows all around - Miss Marcia curtseys gracefully)

: : I apologize for this unannounced visit, but perhaps when I explain our presence, you will be inclined to overlook this unlooked-for intrusion into your gracious home.

: : My captains and I have been on the search for one scoundrel and renegade by the name of Simon Girty, and our mission led us here to Mohicanland, where we had hoped, after a long and tiring day's travel, to find a good meal at your town's reknowned JFC Fast Foods. Just as we were sitting down to an unexpectedly lavish and elegant meal, your good Sheriff Twigg, with a rather - ahem! - unusual assortment of comrades, burst in and informed us that the food which had been placed before us was of - ahem! - irregular provisioning.

: : The mischievous pranks of the Dutch are not unknown to us who spend much of our time near the banks of the Hudson, but we are appalled to realize their version of hospitality has permeated this far into frontier. Naturally, under the circumstances (the least of which being a tribe of painted Delawares glaring through the windows, a swarm of rushin' bees bombarding the tables with Bee Bombs and some crazy lady on a purple carpet swooping back and forth through the dining room and cackling wildly), we felt the better part of valor was to return your dinner with our compliments and a case of the finest French wine to accompany your meal. Thereupon, Sheriff Twigg invited us to return, helping to transport the whole of your fine meal, and to share the pleasure of the group's company for a congenial evening.

: : We pray your forgiveness for this unfortunate misunderstanding and hope to enjoy a peaceful and friendly stay in your small community whilst we pursue this dastardly Girty.

: : Your servant, Ma'am.
: : Major Effingham

: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: *overheard later that day from just outside Miss Marcia's dining room window*

: Miss Marcia: Ummm, smack, smack, slurp....
: She Who Tracks: Gobble, gobble, chomp...
: Benton (Just Call Me Bent)Twigg: Munch, munch, munch...
: Dweebie: Snarf, slurp, guzzle...
: Miss Katie O' Arbroath: sip, nibble, sip...
: Miss Gaylee Cooper: ingest, quaff, imbibe
: The Bee Holder: ummmmm, nib, nib, um-UMMMMM!
: The Whole Calm Bee Nation: buzzzzzzzzz, sip,sip,sip,sip, hummm...
: The Good Major & His Men: chomp, chomp, munch, crunch...
: Hector: snarfle, slobber, slurp, chomp, chomp, crunchle, slurp...
: Everybody in Unison: *BUUUUUUUUUUURP! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*

: And from the vicinity of the Corn Crib:
: Mystery Diner: skulk, chew, guzzle, guzzle, chew, skulk, glug, glug, glug... sneaky, muffled burp!....glug, guzzle, chomp, chomp...


Ah, Miss Marcia (chew, swallow, sip of wine, dab chin with napkin), I knew this was to be a fine meal when I first laid eyes on it. But it is remarkably better when eaten in the presence of such a beautiful hostess sitting at the head of the table in a most gracious and elegant home than it would be consumed in the unsettling environment of the Dutch establishment. Permit me to compliment you on your outstanding cullinary skills as well as on your charm and intelligence. Am I to understand that you maintain this excellent home by yourself, alone and unaided by any stronger arm to lean on?

Major Effingham

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