Posted by jeff on March 08, 2000 at 16:41:23:
In Reply to: Re: Seen In Miss Marcia's Backyard Yesterday...& Sassy Sorts It All Out! posted by Sheriff Twigg on March 08, 2000 at 14:45:30:
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: : : : : : "Hark," cries Sassy Soothsayer! "What is that commotion out by Miss Marcia's corncrib?"
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: : : : : Sheriff Twigg and Major Effingham, sir, I been thinkin' that Miss Marcia's been real consarned about the smell o' polecat commin' from this corncrib, but she doesn't seem to know that there's all this set-up in here. Would ye be amenable to goin' in the house and askin' her if she has any explanation for all this?
: : : : : Say! There's The Sassy Soothsayer a-swoopin' over the chimney and lookin' for Miss Marcia! Sassy's a good one for figurin' out puzzles like this - she's got that Extry Sense Or Tea Perception, ye know, which means iffen ye can't figur' somethin' out right away, a good hot cup o' English tea will clear yer mind for ye and get ye to the answer DI-reckly. Just the person we need to consult on this here issue. LIGHT A MINUTE, SASSY! WE NEED TO TALK TO YE!
: : : : : She Who Tracks
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: : : : Yeeeeee-eeeeessssss, She Who Tracks?? It is I, Sassy Soothsayer, here...you needed my services??
: : : : Sassy Soothsayer
: : : : Motto: Still Sassily Saying Sooths, Forsooth!
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: : : Well, hel-LO there Sassy! It's fair to say we like seein' yer cheerful face as much as we like appealin' to yer uncanny knowin' o' things that other folks seem to let get by 'em. Just light down off yer flyin' carpet for a minute, and let me introduce ye to Major Effingham o' the Royal Americans. Major, this is The Sassy Soothsayer, who I think I heerd ye say ye saw briefly in JFC's Fast Foods last night, but who I believe ye haven't come to know for her finer qualities as yet. She takes a bit o' gettin' used to, but once ye come to accept that she has a little different way o' movin' about the colony and a little different way o' lookin' at things than most folks, ye'll love her sartain, yes ye will.
: : : Now, Sassy, ye come by at a particklar important time, and I wish ye'd take a minute to look at some o' the things we found here in Miss Marcia's corncrib and tell us if ye can make any sense of 'em.
: : : There's this straw pallet and blanket, and these cannisters o' skunk oil, and this knife handle carved with a couple o' letters, and Major Effingham is especially curious to know who they might belong to and what they're doin' here.
: : : She
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: : Well, Sir or Ma'am, as the case may be, She...it seems you've called on the right person to help you with this here mystery. Yes, Sassy Soothsayer sees all, knows all, TELLS all! Let me just take a little look around this place...pardon me for a moment, first, whilst I stick some fragrant HERBS up me nose to hide the smell in here...there thad's bedder. And no you my NOD ask me why I hab herbs in my smoking pouch!!
: : Now, let's see...*Sassy quickly sizes up the situation and knows what she must do to save her beloved twin, Miss Marcia*...oh-HO! Whad you hab here is a pretty silly operation, all ride! You hab your skunk oil, your blankeds and straw palleds, and whad looks to be a cozy liddle place to run an undercover polecat oil production facilidy.
: : *SNEEEEEEEEEEEEZE! Sneeze, sneeze, sneeze!* Whoa! Scuse ol' Sassy for that...didn't mean to blow herbs all over your buckskins there, She! Reckon I'll just have to put up with the smell, as the ol' herbs-up-the-nose trick ain't workin' so well.
: : Now, where was I? Well, we have some illegal SkunkOil Runnin' goin' on here, sartain. Now, I ask ye, Sheriff Twigg...who in all of Mohicanland would be STOOPID enough to get involved in something not only highly illegal, but SMELLY as a dead dog, to boot?? Come on, Sheriff...you know the answer to this as well as I do! Nobody except your own idjit nephew, Dweebie Day-Lewis! Yes, the Dweebster's behind all this, all right! Now, I know you don't want to have to go and arrest your own newphew for High Crimes Against the Olfactory Organs, so what say we just keep this little Stink Factory business between us friends. Sheriff? She? Major?? I think it would be best all around!
: : What's that you say...the carved knife handle? Oh, that's easy! I...umm..ah...lost that around these parts LONG ago...yessir, that's it. It's MINE! Yeah, that's the ticket! I was gonna carve "SGTSD" (short for Sassy Gets The Soothsayin' Done) in the handle. Sort of a motto, you see. But I lost it before I got more than just the S & the G done. That's all there is to that!
: : And another dark mystery cleared up by yours truly, the Sassy Soothsayer! My work here is done. What say we all head back up to Miss Marcia's for a little refreshment before going on our merry ways? And remember...not a peep about this little incident to anyone!
: : Thanks Ever So!
: : Sassy
: That's all well and good, Miss Sassy, and we do thank you for giving us some insight into this matter. Darn that scoundrel Dweebie! If he isn't into one weird thing, he's into another. Never could keep control of that boy! Maybe I ought to send him north on a courier run or something - keep him out of our hair for a while.
: In the meantime, what're we going to do about the disgusting condition of Miss Marcia's corncrib? 'Spose the best thing to do would be burn it down and start over, if she's got no objections. That corn's not going to be any good to anybody, considering the smell of it! All right, let's go back to the house and see what she wants to do. Major, that suit you? She, gather up that hound of yours, and let's see if we can't have a peaceful hour or two before things break lose again. Never a manageable minute in this town!
: Bent Twigg
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