Posted by Diana on March 24, 2000 at 09:05:33:
In Reply to: Re: Ohhhhhhhh Noooooooo!!!! posted by Bryan S. on March 23, 2000 at 19:08:58:
: Diana writes:
: : Ohhhhhhhhh Noooooooo, more talk of undergarments!!!!! I got to thinkin', OF COURSE, Claybert won't be minding the elevated temperatures since he'll be wearing a dishcloth with strings!
: Diana - and all of those that get such a big kick out of these underwear threads.
: I, for one, have had it with all of the talk of loincloths, breechclouts, dishcloths with strings and the other sordid descriptions of a piece of material that served the purpose that it did and does.
: My dear wife, Dana S. (known to many of you as "Dana S."), at first thought these threads merely humorous and got a few chuckles out of them. I, naturally, thought it all innocent enough, and smiled that husbandly smile when she would relate the tales of the cloth.
: Slowly - insidiously - things began to change slightly around the S. household. Strange looking curtains whipstitched together from several long, thin strips of cotton and wool hung in our living room from a piece of wood that looked rather like a gunstock. Soon, our bedspread was tossed out and replaced with a similar, albeit wider, version of our drapes. Our handtowels too bore a strange resemblence to the other recent additions.
: I, being the good natured, amicable and understanding husband that I am, took all in stride until *gasp* our GUEST NAPKINS (not the outstanding everyday Bounty type that we normally use)bore the same traits. Boy, oh boy, was my face RED when I finally put two and two together - my dear MOTHER was wiping traces of Kraft Ranch Dressing from the corners of her mouth with a....a LOINCLOTH!!!!
: People - please. Don't you think enough is enough? How long can this go on? Innocent people are being adversely affected by this undeniable travesty! Stop the underwear posts before it's too late?
: (By the way, the red wool does change the whole ambience in our parlor - not an entirely bad look!)
: Bryan S.
My Dear Bryan S.
Oh yes, I believe you have brought to light a lurking disease, of the most occult nature, that is in an immediate need of remediation. I have ascertained reports of this "Loquacious Flagitiousness of Fundamental Habiliment" which involves phantasmagoria of the ensconced factor to which the victim is wholly unaware. The apparent trigger mechanism involves any mention of undergarment contrivance that evokes an immediate utterance regarding others private apparel, which then cascades to the other members in attendance. Once infected, the victims cannot help themselves and simply must succumb to their imagination.
I feel it is of the utmost importance that Doctor Mary be called in at once to rid us of this pitiable epidemic affliction. I will make immediate request for her services from the MCDC (MohicanLand Center for Disease Control). Since I am as afflicted with this scourge as much as anyone, I will volunteer as a test subject, for the good of all MohicanLand, to determine exactly how this problem perpetuates itself. However I would exercise caution at any curative measures offered by the Doc, since some studies have shown that this disease may be exacerbated by any ingestion of gnome-containing vestige.
Thank you Bryan for opening our eyes to this plague, and I would advise that you send Dana to Doctor Mary's Clinic AT ONCE! If the Doc it out to lunch, she has many Huron "nurses" that could attend to Dana until she arrives and go ahead and get her started on the Twelve Steps to Undergarment Apathy. And don't be concerned that you might hear your poor Dana's cries during treatment, the Doc has a sound proof room that is sure to contain any "WoooooooHoooooos" that may surface during the ordeal.
Relieved and anxiously awaiting testing,
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