Posted by Bent Twigg on April 09, 2000 at 15:06:48:
If this isn't the consarned worst situation I ever been in in my whole life!
Weren't for this jug of spruce, don't think I could get through the afternoon. Take another healthy slug, make everything better. (glug, glug, glug)
Here I go tryin' to do a gentlemanly job of courtin' Miss Marcia and treatin' her like a queen for nigh onto two years, and even fightin' a duel in her behalf, and then she goes and gives me the bumm's rush like I got a terminal case of poison ivy or something, just because I'm not that fool scout she's so wild about. And to make matters worse, I'm the last one to find out why she turned me down, when it comes out in The Courier for the whole town to read, and I bet they're all laughin' up their sleeves, every piddlin' one of em!
Couple more sips of spruce won't hurt things a bit - beginnin' to think a little clearer now (glug, glug)
Got no friends at all in town. Everybody's a traitor! Thought She Who Tracks was my friend. She goes and sends all those rumors to The Courier, and now everybody knows I been refused by Miss Marcia. Well, she's going to be mighty surprised when that (hiccup) fancy newspaper prints the real shtory about the family tree of Bent Twigg . Got to travel west down the Schusssacanna - Squishcahanna - Susquishanna - - whatever - to see my great uncle Will O'Twigg from the Irish branch of the family - he knows all about that great great grandaddy who's gonna make Misssh Marcia sit up and take notish. Reshrink 'er shnootie ideas of who's a real man then, she will! (hiccup)
Not too much left in this jug, now. Jusht finch it off and lay down for a short nap. Go pack for the trip when I wake up. Lady's gonna find out I got claims to fame that'll make her swoon in my armsh yet!
Lessee - what was that song I usta like so much? Sure suits my case today (glug, glug) Couple of licks left on the rim yet (slurp)
I AAAAAAAAAAAM I said!
To no one there
And no one heard
Not even a bear - - -
Now that don't sound quite right. Mebbe the scheshnd versh'll shound better.
I AAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM I cried! - - -
Fergit it, just lay my head down on the mosh here and schnoooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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