Posted by Mohicanland Chronicles on April 12, 2000 at 18:47:11:
WELL NOW! If it isn't our magnificent Acting Sheriff come rolling back into town at his leisure! Where have you been when we needed you here and - -
Yes, the new badge is very impressive, Dweebie. If it were any bigger, you'd have to hire a Deputy to roll it around in front of you in a cart!
Just let me fill you in on some of the disasters we've been having - - -
Yes, Dweebie, it is very shiny. Now just hold your tongue for a minute while I tell you about Miss Marcia getting captured by Hurons - - -
It's beautiful, Dweebie - just beautiful. Miss Marcia has been taken by the Hurons and may have lost her scalp by now, and that Simon Girty has been skulking around here again and has taken off up in the direction that the Hurons took Miss Marcia, and She Who Tracks sent a smoke signal to Sheriff Twigg and he never sent one back which makes us think maybe he's run into trouble too since a passing Delaware runner reported a Huron hunting party right down - -
PUT THAT CONSARNED BADGE DOWN RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN TO ME BEFORE I TAKE AFTER YOU WITH A WILLOW SWITCH AND TAN YOUR HIDE GOOD, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BUM!!!!!!!!!
You just get yourself on down to She's cabin right now and see what our big brave Acting Sheriff can do to help get Miss Marcia out of the hands of those savages! She is getting ready to go after Miss Marcia all by herself with no help but that mangey old hound of hers, and they'll both get themselves killed and Bent will get scalped and Miss Marcia will get herself forced into marrying some redskin warrior and you just BETTER be backing toward that door because if you aren't on the trail with She in the next ten minutes you're going to feel this willow switch WHERE IT'LL DO THE MOST GOOD AND YOU'RE NEVER HEAR THE END OF THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR NO-GOOD LAZY LIFE AND IF YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN WITHOUT MISS MARCIA SAFE AND SOUND THAT *%$*&!# FANCY BADGE IS GONNA DECORATE YOUR %@#&!* TOMBSTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(sound of door slamming and much splintering of wood and tinkling of glass)
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