Posted by Doc M on February 12, 2000 at 12:25:19:
In Reply to: Re: The Mann's Word ... posted by GnomeDome on February 12, 2000 at 10:45:13:
: Hey! Watch that malodorous munchkin crap, you Cranky, Creepy Crone! Were too the real DDL pining for our MMMMarcia. That bag of bones YOU are being administered to is none other than Guyasuta aka Boris Karloff. Only in your demented, drunken stupor would you think it to be the Hawkeye of the flowing locks and steely eye. That shine in his eye ain't infatuation, but cataracts! Even Dweebie Day-Lewis wouldnt soil his hands by rubbing oil into YOUR depraved carcass. Now.......he might paint a little tar on those flanks of yours, and dump a load of feathers over you......and wouldnt THAT be a sight to behold!!!
: Depraved Doc Mary running around the barnyard squaking like a huge, angry pullet.
: Listen you, what is so hard for you to believe that our gallant Hawkeye would not see the virtues of a genteel southern woman of kindly heart who makes the BEST fuuuuuddgggge on the frontier?
: Whilst YOU, you corn cob dented harpy from hades.....the likes of you can be see on any busy street corner when the fleet's in.
Oh, Gnome Dome, I am so flattered by your silver-tongued
speeches and obvious unrequited love of Doctor Mary...
and who could blame you? I am, after all, ME! But like
the signs say in the amusement parks, if you ain't
over three feet tall, ain't no goin' on this ride,
Hmmm... now the you mention it, it appears it is not
the aforementioned Hawkeye who is massaging Dr. M's
glorious gluteus maximi, but his evil twin -- the bad
boy Nathaniel Bumppengrind, who wears black leather
loincloths and has a disposition meaner than a junkyard
dog's. Such men as he are often drawn to paragons of
frail, flowerlike feminity such as myself. *fan! fan! fan!*
Now if you'll excuse me, I hear spurs going jingle jangle
jingle in my boudoir. Must dash!
: : :
: : : Oh Marcia. I have long watched you throb for me, and stick up for me, and defend me against all would be look-alikes. I have watched you from afar rate me as ultimate male and the most handsome in the land. I cannot but help be beholden to you for your staunch, steadfast longing for yours truly, and therefore I have sent Ching, my adopted father, with an invitation written on birch bark. If you would consent, I would be pleased to share a dinner with thee, and talk of romantic things and gaze wistfully at each other. To show this is my heart, I have included this belt - a record of my people - so you may know I speak the truth that you have won at last. What say you?
: : : Signed
: : : The object of your fantasies......
: : : so sayeth the gnome
: : Oh Marcia -- be not deluded. This is an evil plot hatched
: : by the Malodorous Munchkin and Dweebie Day-Lewis. The
: : fact that the "record of his people" belt is a strip
: : torn from the top of a pair of plaid polyester Expando-
: : Matic pants should have been your first tip-off of this
: : despicable deception. Don't you worry, though -- the
: : genu-wine article is safe and sound, rubbing various
: : scented ointments into Doctor Mary's aching back,
: : which seems to have numerous corn-cob shaped indentations
: : in it for some unknown reason. And dang! He sure does
: : look cute in his little French maid's apron and fishnet
: : stockings. Maybe this pre-version stuff has its points!
: : Doc M
: : : : Oh, Poor, poor MentorMan...it's true, isn't it? Doc Mary's picture slap put your eyes out, didn't it?? *sigh* It sure is gonna be hard for you to lead us to the top of Table Rock this year, you bein' blind as a bat and all! Too, too sad! Ben Stiller and DDL...hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! It's to laugh! So I am. Hahahahahahhahahahehehehehe! Thank goodness I don't have that particular vision problem! All through There's Something About Mary, *I* kept thinking NO WAY a dish like Cameron Diaz would ever look at a Ben Stiller in the real world! No matter how sweet. (*I* would, as...except for my fantasies, of course...I don't care a lot about a guy being good looking.) But Cameron Diaz? Uh-uh! I don't believe it.
: : : : Well...I reckon we can't all see everyone the same way. I am, after all, the one who still thinks Tom Petty is sexy! (BUT I DON'T THINK HE LOOKS LIKE MY PRECIOUS HAWKEYE!!)
: : : : MMMM
: : : : PS...as for the dvd comments, I've been there, said that. No need for me to restate. I'm still wonderin' where you're gonna get the ROPE to tie me down if you decide to show it at the Gathering! (Me and Penny are slippin' out the back, Jack...ain't that right, PP?)
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