Dear Doctor Mary ...

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Posted by Cousin Eugenie on October 29, 1999 at 19:29:20:

Dear Doctor Mary,

I discovered a photo of you accompanied by your personal ad in the latest issue of "Frontier S & M" where I read you were street walking right here in Mohicanland & were seeking a business manager. "Wanted: One Scarlet PIMPernickel Muffin to oversee financial matters of sucessful businesswoman." (I didn't actually READ S & M. I scanned it while waiting my turn at the New Northern Trading Post.)

I'd like your professional advice on a delicate matter. A friend of mine, Mr. Hawkeye Poe, has recently discovered there are unauthorized images of him being posted on doors of Taverns & Bawdy Houses all over the colony. The image is of him having a "misstep" while visiting the nearby Hurons for a barbecue. Without going into embarrassing details, let me just say the image is a bit ... revealing. He's a tad disarrayed in the loincloth attire. Get it?

Mr. Poe is a modest man. The thought of his compromising "situation" being publicized has so disturbed him he is considering joining the Wah-Tah-Wah Warrioresses disguised as a woman. I worry about him, Doctor Mary. What should I do to prevent this shocking exposure from spreading up & down the frontier? (I haven't even told him there are bootleg copies of this image showing up on Pin-Up Parchments ... creatively touched up by some amateur artist named Mary Long Carabine.)


Cousin Eugenie

PS Please return my whip, wench.

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